


I'm all lost

by HollyMartins



Series: Fem!Eggsy and Harry Collection [3]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Deaf Character, F/M, Family Secrets, Female Eggsy, Harry Hart Lives, Here be an OC, Islam, Mention of torture, Original Character(s), Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Roman Catholicism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4516803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollyMartins/pseuds/HollyMartins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy isn't naive.</p><p>She knows that Harry must have had a life before her; even a life before Kingsman. He is, after all, over 50 and appears to be well-read, well-educated, and well-traveled. He speaks little of his past though when she asks him a direct question, he always answers it. </p><p>Perhaps she should've asked him this, as well. </p><p>---</p><p>In which pasts are revealed and Eggsy realizes that the man she loves desperately needs to work on his communication skills, especially with loved ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know. An OC. The dreaded bane of fanfiction. 
> 
> I was inspired to go down this path after a particularly interesting Omegle RP one night and I have been playing with the idea for a little over a week. I think part of the appeal is that we know so little about Harry's past and he is so enigmatic and rather eccentric that we can't help but dream up backstories for him.
> 
> If this fic absolutely does not appeal to readers, then I won't continue it but I am curious to see how you all react. Please be kind and please leave comments! Thank you so much for reading!

Eggsy isn't naive.

She knows that Harry must have had a life before her; even a life before Kingsman. He is, after all, over 50 and appears to be well-read, well-educated, and well-traveled. He speaks little of his past though when she asks him a direct question, he always answers it. 

Perhaps she should've asked him this, as well. Stupidly, it had never occurred to her. Harry seems so settled in his life, so comfortable in his own skin and in that strange house with butterfly collections and a stuffed dog in the bathroom. It seems ridiculous to think of him as anything other than what he is right now. Harry Hart. 

Then again, she remembers, she, too, learned early on how to keep secrets.

 

It all starts with that blasted new doctor. 

He isn't a bad doctor; quite good, actually. He just smiles too much. Anyone who is that friendly and kind automatically puts Eggsy on edge. After all, he's working for a spy agency. He's seeing wounds and illnesses of particularly violent and insidous natures. He shouldn't be so damn cheerful.

Still, he's quite good at his job and takes the comfort of his patients very seriously. So when Harry gets knocked out by a Russian mobster (when he should've been safe and secure in his office, damn it), he personally calls Eggsy because, "You're his first emergency contact, Agent Bedivere."

"Is he alright?" she asks breathlessly. She's in Washington D.C. and it's far too early in the morning for this but now she's wide awake. "What happened?"

"He's suffered a moderate concussion and we're keeping him under observation for at least the next 72 hours," he says gently. "He has not lost consciousness and isn't exhibiting much confusion so that is a very good sign."

Eggsy exhales shakily.

"Should I come back? Has he asked for me?"

"There isn't much for you to do here, I'm afraid," the pleasant doctors says. "He just needs to rest. Like I said, within 72 hours we'll know more."

Eggsy sighs and runs a hand through her hair. 

"But he's alright otherwise?" she asks.

"Yes and I promise that if there are any changes, I'll call you. Until then, we're just going to have to wait it out. I've already informed Merlin that he'll be out of commission for a few days. If you want, you can ring his family to let them know that, as well."

Eggsy blinks and glances at the clock. It's 4 in the morning here. Perhaps she had misheard him in her sleep-heavy, panic-stricken state.

"Family?" she repeats.

"Yes, I have his son's contact information here. Shall I forward it to you?"

And Eggsy's stomach drops and she has to close her eyes because suddenly, it rather feels like the room is pitching.

"Yes, thank you," she manages to gasp before hanging up.

She places the phone on the nightstand and realizes her hands are shaking and uncomfortably clammy. 

"Harry," she says aloud to the empty hotel room. Then she hauls herself up and manages to make it to the bathroom where she splashes cold water on her face. She repeats two words to herself as she finally glances up at the mirror and sees her pale and sickly face. Son. Harry. Son. Harry.

Before she has time to think about it, she draws back her arm and punches her reflection, resulting in a delightful crack. 

"Fuck you!" she shouts to no one and when she begins to cry, she's not even sure what's she crying about. All she knows is that she doesn't stop for an embarrassingly long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Eggsy knows this won't be the last time she returns from a mission to find Harry in hospital.

She had foolishly hoped that with his promotion to Arthur, Harry would be safer, calmer, less prone to throwing himself into danger just for shits and giggles. That hope was short-lived. Eggsy knows that outside of herself, Harry's greatest loves are danger, theatrics, and a sick combination of the two.

This is the first time, however, that upon her return, she agrees to debrief with Merlin first rather than visit Harry. Even Merlin raises an eyebrow in surprise when she nods as he greets her off the plane and demands she attend to the paperwork. Nonetheless, he is ever the professional and they get the debriefing done quickly in his office because if there's anything Merlin hates, it's wasting time.

"Excellent work, Bedivere," he says. "Arthur and I weren't sure if this mark would be willing to talk but you got us more than we expected." She nods. "But what happened with your hand?"

She glances down and swears to herself. Her right hand has fresh scars on her knuckles.

"Broke some glass," she says.

"Where and when?" 

"In the hotel room. It was an accident. Nothing to do with the mission."

Merlin stares at her levelly.

"My next mission?" she asks.

Merlin, God bless him, drops the discussion about the scars and doesn't question why she's so anxious to get away again. He merely explains that he would like her to observe the activities of a local counterfeiting ring for the new few days. Easy job, nothing too dangerous and right here in London. Eggsy bites her tongue to keep from requesting something international. Instead she nods and thanks him.

"Off to see Arthur, then?" he asks.

"Yes," she says breathlessly. "How is he?"

"Fine," he replies, standing. "Scans came back clear. He can go home tomorrow."

Oh thank God, she thinks, I don't think I could've handled sleeping in the same bed as him tonight.

"He'll still need to rest," he continues as he opens the door for her. "And we don't want him back at work until next week."

Fucking great.

She merely nods as they walk down the hall. Merlin suddenly puts his hand on her shoulder. She stops short.

"Are you alright?" he asks and his eyes are so concerned behind his glasses.

She nods again and then realizes she is being abnormally quiet.

"Yes," she manages. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Did something happen in Washington that you're not telling us?"

Yes, I found out my lover and mentor and dearest friend lied to me about having a fucking kid.

"No, nothing happened." She runs a hand through her hair. "Just jetlagged."

Merlin doesn't believe it for a second and she can see that but thankfully, he doesn't press the manner. Sometimes she really thinks she could hug him.

They make it to the infirmary before she has a chance to consider what on earth she will say to Harry.

"I'm off to check in with Percival," Merlin says abruptly and Eggsy merely smirks at him. He's not always the smoothest when it comes to things like this. "Now, behave," he insists, "the man did still suffer a moderate concussion."

"Shut it," she replies before opening the door to Harry's room and before she takes another breath, she's gazing at him.

He's propped up in bed, the lights down low and classical music playing softly. It's Tchaikovsky. Harry had initially been surprised that she knew quite a bit about classical music due to a maths teacher who had played it incessantly during exams. After discovering this, Harry vowed to dismantle any preconceived notions about Eggsy.

The phone in her pocket feels heavy; saved in her email archives is a name and an address. She's hesitating in the doorway when he finally glances up and smiles. Her heart leaps into her throat but she manages a smile, as well. She's becoming a very good actress.

"My darling girl," he says and reaches out his hand. She's working on autopilot. She's at his bedside before she can blink and takes his hand in her left one, the one without the scars. "I've missed you."

"Missed you, too, Harry," she says and leans down to kiss him lightly. He sighs in contentment and reaches up to brush some loose strays of hair out of her face.

"Everything go alright?" he asks.

"Yeah, got the information we needed," she answers and squeezes his hand. "What about you? What made you run after a Russian mobster on your own?"

"I had a good lead," he shrugs, "and intel that he was leaving the country within the hour. I had to work fast, obviously."

"That's why we have field agents."

"Yes, well, I didn't want to waste time going over a bloody dossier," he huffs. "Besides, just a minor bump on the head."

"A moderate concussion."

"Comme si, comme ça."

"Can you at least try to work on not getting yourself banged up while I'm away on a mission?" she says. "Phone calls from the infirmary at arse o'clock in the morning are not ideal."

"My poor girl," he says and kisses her hand, "had I been a bit more aware, I would've insisted they not bother you. I apologize."

She swallows and nods.

"Are you alright?" he asks, his brow furrowing in concern. "You look quite peaky."

"Must be jet-lag," she says, shrugging.

"Well, then go home and get some rest. You can debrief with Merlin tomorrow."

"Already did."

"Oh," Harry says and Eggsy can see that he's mildly surprised. "All the better, then. I do wish they would release me tonight, though."

"You need to rest," she insists.

"I can rest at home."

"Quit pouting," she says and brings the blanket up higher on his chest. He smiles at her as if he had never known a day's comfort until she had walked into his life. She turns and looks at the clock on the wall. It's still quite early. "I should go."

"Already?"

"Yeah, I'm knackered."

Harry nods and runs his thumb over her hand.

"Give us a kiss then," he whispers and she can't help it. She turns, leans forward and kisses him fully, sighing against his lips. She clenches her eyes shut.

"Good night, Harry," she whispers.

"Good night, Eggsy," he replies. "Sleep well, my dear."

She smiles, nods, and walks out of the room and decides to sleep at her mother's house tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading and remember, comments are the stuff that dreams are made of! Please stop by my tumblr to say hello and gush about Hartwin: http://hollymartinswrites.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

"Eggsy, babe, I didn't know you were- what happened?"

"Glad to see you, too, Mum," Eggsy grins tiredly as she drops her overnight bag on the floor. She wraps her arms around her mother and sighs. 

Michelle steps back and holds her daughter out at arms' length. 

"Are you hurt? What's wrong?" she repeats, peering at her closely.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

"Just jet-lagged," Eggsy sighs and walks into the den, all but collapsing on the sofa.

"I'm your mum, I know when something's wrong," Michelle insists.

"For fuck's sakes, Mum."

"Did he do something to you?"

Eggsy groans and covers her face with a throw pillow. Michelle grabs it and lifts it off her face, her eyes wide with worry.

"He didn't do anything to me, I swear it," Eggsy says gently. "Honest, Mum. It's nothing like that."

Michelle sits beside her and takes Eggsy's hand, noticing the scars on the right.

"And what's this then?" she demands.

"I punched a mirror."

"You what?"

Eggsy sighs again and pulls her hand out of her mother's grasp and sits up, her head in her hands.

"Eggsy, love, you're scaring me."

Eggsy glances up and frowns, guilt gnawing at her heart. There is nothing she hates quite so much as worrying her mother.

"Can I ask you something?" Eggsy says, turning to face her fully. "About men?"

Michelle blinks at the sudden change in conversation and then huffs a laugh.

"Christ, I think you're asking the wrong one."

"No, seriously."

"Go ahead," she says. "I'll try my best."

Eggsy hesitates and worries her bottom lip between her teeth. Michelle waits patiently until Eggsy says, "How bad is it when someone lies by omission?"

"By omission?"

"Yeah, y'know, neglects to tell you something. On purpose."

Michelle frowns and cocks her head as she considers the question.

"I guess it depends on the size and type of the lie." Suddenly, her eyes narrow darkly. "What did he lie about? What's he hiding?"

"Mum, I-"

"He got a wife somewhere? Or, oh Christ, he didn't get you sick, did he?"

"Jesus, Mum, no!" 

"Then what is it?"

Eggsy sighs again and looks down at her scarred knuckles. It isn't her secret to tell. At least, not yet. 

"Eggsy?" Michelle puts a gentle hand on her shoulder and she has clench her eyes shut before the tears come. Christ, she's been crying a lot lately. Pathetic.

"Mum, he's got a kid."

Michelle's hand stills and then she whispers, "Oh, sweetheart."

Eggsy laughs wetly. 

"I don't know why I'm acting like this," she admits, wiping at her eyes angrily. "It's not like he's cheating on me. Lots of people have kids from previous relationships."

"But he never told you."

"No," Eggsy sighs.

"Why did he tell you now?"

"He didn't."

"Then how-"

"His doctor let it slip." Eggsy collapses against the sofa. "He still doesn't know I know."

Michelle frowns and runs a hand through her daughter's hair. 

"And you feel hurt because he didn't trust you enough to tell you this."

"Well, it's kind of a big deal," Eggsy exclaims. "I mean, maybe you don't tell your girlfriend all about your past relationships but you mention a fucking kid running about." She sighs again. "Then again, I don't know what sort of relationship they have. Maybe he lives across the world somewhere."

"You don't know anything about him?"

Eggsy glances up at her mother and then averts her eyes. 

"His doctor forwarded me his contact information. I haven't looked at it yet."

Michelle nods and then abruptly leans forward to kiss her daughter on the side of her head.

"Do you know why I was against you two being in a relationship?" She says gently and then smirks. "Why I still have reservations?"

Eggsy frowns and looks up at her mother.

"'Cause of the age difference and Dad."

"That was just the initial reaction," Michelle admits. "It's really because... well, when two people have an age difference, there's often an uneven power balance."

Eggsy quirks an eyebrow. 

"You think I let him boss me around?" she asks, amusement in her voice.

"No, I don't mean it like that," Michelle sighs and runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. "I mean, like... you're still so young, Eggsy. And because he's so much older than you, he's got so much more life experience and history and baggage and well, you can find yourself getting swept up in his life rather than the other way around. People, especially when they hit a certain age, are reluctant to change. Trust me," she adds grimly, "I know."

Eggsy stares at her mother and squeezes her hand. 

"Mum, I-"

"I just want you to be careful," Michelle insists and Eggsy can hear the tears in her voice. "I don't want you to stake all your future happiness on one bloke and then grow old and realize that you made a mistake. That you could've gotten so much more out of life."

Eggsy leans forward and kisses her mother on the cheek. 

"I'm being careful," she says gently. "I promise."

Michelle nods and sniffs. 

"So," she says and clears her throat as she wipes at her cheeks, "you're staying the night, then?"

"Yeah, if that's alright."

"Always, babe."

Eggsy smiles and sleeps well for the first time since she was awakened at four in the morning in Washington, D.C. 

That is, until she wakes up and is getting dressed and her glasses buzz. It's Harry. She contemplates ignoring them but she's due at HQ within the hour anyway. Might as well.

"Morning, Harry," she says as she slips them on.

"Morning, love," he says. "Your glasses say you're at your mother's house. You didn't go home at all last night?"

"No, I- I felt like seeing Mum and Daisy first. And I wasn't too keen on sleeping in the house all by myself."

"My poor dear," Harry says and sounds genuine. Eggsy winces. "Did you get a good night's rest, at least?"

"Yeah, slept good. I'll see you in a bit, alright?"

"I- yes, of course. Shall I cook dinner tonight?"

Eggsy's stomach lurches at the thought of being home alone with Harry, having to look him in the face and lie herself. She's exhausted just thinking about it. How does he manage?

"No, you need to rest," she says instead. "We'll order out."

"I've been resting for a bloody week."

"Doctor's orders. And mine."

"For you, my dear, anything," Harry says, laughter in his voice.

"Cheers."

She removes her glasses and avoids her reflection in the bathroom as she gets dressed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly worried that these two are a little out of character here. Please let me know what you think and if I should work on it some more. Thank you!

Eggsy never cared for missions that require a great deal of waiting.

Merlin, of course, is always quick to remind her that not every day is V-Day; that a great deal of a secret agent's life is rather bureaucratic: paperwork, debriefings, mandatory meetings and check-ups and more often than not, tailing someone for hours on end until you know more about the mark's life than your own.

That is Eggsy's existence right now. She's been observing the goings-on at a laundromat that is actually housing a counterfeiting ring on the upper floors. She has taken photo after photo of the storefront and back alley entrance, noting the arrival of unmarked vans and the disappearance and reappearance of several particularly seedy gentlemen. 

All in all, it's dreadfully boring and not at all dangerous. Merlin didn't even let her bring her gun. She's not weaponless but at least with a gun, she feels like a proper spy. Now she just feels like one of those cliched fat cops she sees in movies that eat donuts on a stake-out. 

She is exceedingly grateful, therefore, when Morien arrives to relieve her for the night.

"Anything of interest?" he asks.

"Nah," she shrugs. "Don't think the boss sets foot here. We're gonna have to tail some of his henchmen to find him."

"Do you think one applies for the position for henchman?" Morien asks as he settles in for the night's observation.

"Wonder if they've got a union."

Morien grins at her and she warns him to have plenty of caffeine on hand for the night. He nods and waves as she leaves and suddenly, she realizes how stupid she was to wish for the day to be over. Now she has no excuse to avoid returning to Harry.

 

The cab ride is awful. She imagines several different scenarios that could occur should she bring up the fact that he has a son. She even comes up with arguments and comebacks but even in her imagination, the outcome is always the same: she leaves (either of her own accord or he demands it), slams the door behind her, runs home to her mum, and never sees Harry again personally.

She swallows thickly when the cab pulls up outside his house. The lights are on and she feels vaguely queasy. 

"Here we are, Agent Bedivere," the driver says politely when she doesn't make a move.

"Yes, thank you," she says as she finally opens the door. "Have a good night."

The cab leaves her alone on the stoop and she thinks wildly, It's not too late. I could turn around and run home to Mum and Daisy. Tell him I'm ill.

Then the door opens.

"Eggsy," Harry says, smiling from the doorway. "Thought I heard the cab."

She manages to smile and walk up the two steps until she's in front of him. He leans down to kiss her and she lets him.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" she asks.

"And be bored out of my mind, again? Absolutely not."

He puts his arm around her and leads her inside, closing the door behind him. The house spells heavenly.

"Cooked your favorite," he says.

"I told you we'd order take-out."

"I've been eating disgusting hospital food for a week," he says as he leads her into the dining room. "I'm desperate for a home-cooked meal."

She looks down at the table and sees that he did, in fact, make her favorite: shepherd's pie. 

"Sit, love," he instructs. "Want anything to drink?"

"You're not drinking, are you?" she demands as she sits down.

He smirks at her. "No, the bloody pills I'm on can make me loopy enough."

"Then I'll just have water, too."

"Very well."

He pours both of them glasses and is about to serve when she stands and take the utensils from him.

"I got it," she says. "Sit. You cooked it, after all."

He shrugs and sits across from her and thanks her when she places a helping of shepherd's pie on his plate. It looks and smells perfect.

"You didn't have to do this," she says as she serves herself.

"But I wanted to," he says and he motions for her to begin eating. "I was so bored all day. I cleaned the entire house and still had time to kill so I decided to cook."

She takes a bite and sighs.

"Fuckin' good, Harry," she says.

He laughs and begins eating, as well.

"Thank you," he says.

They eat in silence for a few moments and Eggsy prays that she won't be so queasy that it all comes back up again later. Suddenly he reaches his arm across the table and lays his hand palm up. She hesitates before laying her own hand in his. He squeezes.

"Tell me about your day," he says gently.

"Boring."

"Had to have been more interesting than mine."

She tells him about the laundromat front, explains about the unmarked vans and the comings and goings of the same characters out the back alley. She complains that Merlin wouldn't let her bring her gun along.

He smiles.

"Not every mission requires a firearm, Eggsy," he says. "You need to realize that."

She looks down at her half-eaten helping.

"Guess I still got a lot to learn about being a Kingsman," she mutters.

He squeezes her hand again.

"You never stop learning as a Kingsman," he replies gently. 

She glances up at him and he looks so calm in his house like this: vaguely crumpled white shirt unbuttoned slightly to show off his throat and a hint of chest, hair neatly combed but not styled, no glasses, and in trousers and slippers. Eggsy realizes she has never seen him in a t-shirt. He doesn't even sleep in one.

"Tell me about your nieces," she says suddenly and inwardly winces.

He blinks at her.

"My nieces?" he asks.

"Yeah," she says and the gears in her brain whirl quickly, "when I was with Mum and Daisy last night, I saw the crib you lent us than you said was used by your nieces when they visited. Made me wonder about them."

He sits back and considers the question.

"They're lovely girls," he says finally.

"Come on, give me more than that."

He tilts his head up as if he's trying to remember and Eggsy wonders if it's all a show.

"Lydia is 14," he says finally. "She is fascinated by computers and wants to study nanotechnology someday. She's obviously very, very bright."

"Not surprising," Eggsy says and feels a bit like an idiot.

"And Harriet-"

"Named after Uncle Harry?" Eggsy asks and can't help but grin.

Harry smiles and flushes. "Yes, poor girl. Harriet is 11 and loves ballet. I think she would love to be a professional ballet dancer someday but that is obviously a difficult career path."

"Can't be much more difficult than yours."

"Ah, but to them, Uncle Harry is merely a bureaucrat in the English military. A boring old pencil-pusher."

Eggsy nods. 

"How are they related to you?" Eggsy continues. "I mean, you got a brother, sister?"

"Just a younger sister."

Eggsy thinks about Harry growing up as an older brother and smiles at the image. 

"What's she like?" she asks.

"Why all the questions about my family?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. It's a defensive move.

Eggsy frowns and picks at her meal. 

"I guess it's because... you know everything about me and my family. I mean, you tailed me and bugged me and had all the records on me and Dean and my Mum." She looks up at him. "But I know nothing about you. Not really."

Harry stares at her.

"Eggsy, I-"

"Forget it," she says and crumbles her napkin onto the table. 

"No, you are quite right," he sighs. "It's unfair for one partner to be left in the dark about the other's personal history. Leaves the other holding all the cards, I suppose."

Eggsy's mum's warning comes to her head then, about an imbalance of power. She feels sick again.

"Eggsy?"

She looks up at him and his eyes are so worried and sweet and his arm is outstretched for her again. 

"I love you," she says and though she means it, it still feels like a lie.

He smiles at her.

"I love you, as well," he says gently. "Quite a lot, actually."

She smirks and looks down at her lap, her hair falling into her face.

"You still get embarrassed when I say that, don't you?" he asks and Eggsy decides to let him think that.

"Not used to it," she mumbles.

He stands up and goes around the table to her chair. He kneels beside her and takes her hand.

"Then I suppose I will have to get you used to it," he murmurs. He kisses her knuckles. "I love you."

"Harry-"

"I love you."

"Harry, wait-"

"I lov- Eggsy, darling, what on earth happened here?"

He's holding her other hand and sees the angry red scars that have only just started to fade. She slips her hand out of his grasp.

"It's nothing."

"Was that from Washington?"

"Yeah, just a mistake. No one did it to me. I did it to myself. An accident."

He stares at her.

"Seriously, Harry, I got up in the middle of the night to go pee and dropped a glass of water. Cut myself."

"On your knuckles?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not!"

"Eggsy..."

"It's none of your fuckin' business!" 

Harry's eyes widen and it hurts even worse because he looks confused more than anything.

"You are my business," he says gently.

"No, I'm not."

"Eggsy-"

"Just like how it wasn't my business that you have a fuckin' son."

Harry pales so rapidly that for a second, she's worried he's going to faint. Instead he stands and backs away and Eggsy is reminded just how tall he is and how intimidating he could be.

"What did you say?" Eggsy has never heard this tone of voice on him.

"What else are you hiding from me?" she demands and is quite horrified to find that she can't seem to stop. "You married? Your name ain't really Harry?"

"Eggsy, tread carefully," he says, his voice low.

"Why should I?" God, she's being such a fucking idiot.

"That information has been and always will be irrelevant to you."

Eggsy had always thought it was a cliche when people said their heart was breaking but she is quite certain that it is happening to her right now. She is astonished to find that she is still breathing with such immense chest pain.

"Fuck you, Harry," she growls. It's all she can manage.

"Anything I wish to share with you, I have," he says firmly, his back ramrod straight and his hands tense at his sides. "This is a topic, however, I have never been inclined to share with you. Or anyone, to be frank."

"But we're together!" Eggsy exclaims and winces at the sound of tears in her voice. "Having a fuckin' kid is something you would mention to your... y'know, significant other."

Harry turns and stalks away to the hall, leaving Eggsy blinking rapidly at the dining room table.

"Fuck's sake," she mutters and pushes back in her chair, racing after him. Her need to have a last word is rearing its ugly head. Again.

She grabs his arm as he is about to reach the staircase and squeezes.

"What else are you hiding from me?" she demands.

He turns to her. He looks very tired and Eggsy suddenly remembers he is still recovering from a moderate concussion. Fuck, she had promised Merlin she'd behave. 

"Nothing of consequence," he says, "though you and I clearly have very different views on what constitutes need-to-know information."

Eggsy groans and rolls her eyes, covering her face with her hands. Christ, he can be so difficult.

"Just tell me why you lied about him."

"I did not lie."

"You didn't tell me!" 

"Because it's none of your business!" She stares at him and even Harry looks chagrined. He had never raised his voice to her before. 

He swallows and clears his throat, looking away.

"The last I heard of my son, he was working in India. He has no interest in having a relationship with me and after many years of fighting, I accepted his decision," he says dejectedly. "I did not tell you about him because, by all accounts, he has no desire to be my son."

He looks back at her and Eggsy is stunned to see his eyes shining. 

"There," he says softly. "Now you know. Good night, Eggsy."

He turns and walks up the stairs and when he closes the bedroom door, she knows she will have to take the guest room. She doesn't blame him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of torture and severe beatings that result in PTSD and physical trauma

Eggsy can safely say that Kingsman has taught her at least one valuable skill: thinking before acting.

She stands in the hallway, the sound of Harry's (it's not hers now) bedroom door slamming shut reverberating in her skull and considers her options. She can:

a) turn around and walk right out and straight to her Mum's. Result: divulge her cliched antics and give her mother more ammunition to dislike Harry

b) storm into the bedroom and continue this mess of a conversation. Result: more horrible things will be said, most likely resulting in their relationship imploding violently

c) call Rox. Result: interrupt her on an important mission in Sarajevo 

d) call Ryan and/or Jamal. Result: they find out about Harry and she never hears the end of her "sugar daddy" ever

e) take a bottle of wine to bed and have a good cry. Result: hangover and nothing solved

f) none of the above

Her mother always said she danced to the beat of her own drum (which Eggsy always suspected was a hint towards her fluid sexuality) so she selects "f" and goes into the dining room. She is greeted suddenly by JB waddling out of the kitchen and yawning hugely.

"Hey, you," she coos and picks him up in her arms, "were you sleeping through all that, you lazy boy?"

He licks at her face and she snuggles closer to him. 

"Come on, let's get you something to eat."

She carries him to the kitchen and puts him down, smiling as he jumps around in excitement as she pours food into his bowl (that Harry had especially made for him. Don't think about that).

"There you go," she says and scratches his head as he begins eating enthusiastically.

She stands up and sighs when she spots the unfinished meal on the dining room table. She hesitates for only a moment before rolling up her sleeves and begins cleaning. And then when Harry comes down tomorrow morning, he'll see a pristine dining room and a carefully packaged set of leftovers in the refrigerator. And then he'll be sorry for yelling at her. 

Even as a child, Eggsy's favorite mode of revenge was to be extra good. If her mother yelled at her for forgetting to clean her room, she would then tackle her room and the living room, fully expecting her mum to exclaim, "Oh, what a good girl I have! How could I have been so cruel to my sweet perfect daughter?"

Of course, Mum never reacted that way and Eggsy is quite certain that Harry will not respond in that manner either but she figures it can't hurt her conscience to clean up. So she does. 

She glances up at the clock. It's only nine. She sighs and takes JB out for a walk and distracts herself with the fresh air and JB's excitement over a particular tree. She even smiles.

By the time she gets home and sends JB off to his fluffy dog bed, it's only ten. She sighs again.

Oh, fuck it, she thinks. I'm going to bed. 

She passes Harry's bedroom but it's completely silent. There isn't even any light peeking underneath the door. For a wild moment, she thinks maybe he left while she was out walking JB. She reaches for the doorknob but hangs back. Forget it. If he wanted to leave, it's his right. His fucking house. His.

She turns and heads to the guest room. She flicks on the light and looks at the bed where she had stayed with her mother and Daisy those awful days after Dean was arrested. She sighs and undresses, crawls underneath the covers and if she cries, no one's there to know it.

 

She wakes up abruptly. 

For a wild moment, she has no idea where she is but with rapid blinking, she recognizes her surroundings. Then she recognizes why she woke up: someone is knocking on the door.

She turns and flips on the light, her heart hammering in her chest.

"Harry," she calls, "come in."

The door opens slowly and Harry peeks in. His hair is mussed and he looks pale and tired, the circles under his eyes more pronounced. Guilt stabs at Eggsy's heart.

"May I come in?" he asks.

"Course." Eggsy sits up against the headboard and hugs her knees to her chest. 

Harry walks in and sits heavily on the edge of her bed. He stares off into a corner and doesn't move for several moments. They both open their mouths at the same time.

"I should explain-"

"Harry, I'm so sorry-"

He raises an eyebrow at her and smiles tightly. Eggsy clenches her mouth shut. She decides to let him have the first word this time.

"While it was a rude way of going about it," he says, "you were right. I should've told you about Christopher."

"Christopher?" Eggsy breathes.

Harry looks away again and sighs. 

"Yes," he says softly and for the first time since she met him, he slouches as if his shoulders are carrying a terrible weight. "I should never have kept him from you. It is quite a... large omission."

"Yeah," Eggsy says. "I mean... well..." 

"I can assure you, Eggsy," he says and turns to her, "there is nothing else that I am hiding from you. I am not married. In fact, I never have been. I have no other children. No secret jobs or houses. You know about my sister and her two daughters. They are all the family I have left."

"Except for Christopher."

His eyes shift out of focus and he turns away from her again.

Suddenly, Eggsy is angry again but not for herself. She's lived most of her life without her father and she is quite certain that she would give anything to have him back. And here she is, involved with a man who acts as if he isn't a father. What a fucking hypocrite she is.

"Why aren't you involved in his life?" she demands. "What did you do?"

"Eggsy," he sighs, looking so very tired. "Not now."

"What, you don't want me to know you're a shit dad or something?"

Harry doesn't rise to the bait. He merely stands and runs a hand through his hair, resulting in it looking even more wild. 

"That is a rather sensitive subject," he says flatly.

"I want to know." Eggsy stares right at him and refuses to blink. She means business, damn it.

He sighs and rubs a finger along the bridge of his nose. He rather looks as if he is getting a headache and an evil part of Eggsy hopes he is, hopes it's a bitch of a headache.

"To make a very long story short," he says, his voice empty, "several years ago, I uncovered that a fellow Kingsman agent was selling information about our activities to various crime syndicates. He was exposed and turned over to the authorities for other illegal doings. While being moved to another prison, he escaped and kept me under surveillance for nearly half a year until he abducted Christopher and held him ransom. His goal was to frame me for his crimes.

"When I didn't respond, under the orders of our then Arthur, he beat my son for several hours and sent Kingsman the footage. The torture was so severe that Christopher completely lost his hearing in both ears, along with broken bones, innumerable bruises, several lost teeth, and severe PTSD. Merlin was able to trace the footage to an abandoned warehouse in Liverpool and Percival shot the agent and rescued my son. Christopher, naturally, distanced himself from me after years of physical therapy and counseling. So, yes, Eggsy, I suppose I am a shit father."

Eggsy stared at Harry. She wondered how a single human could carry such a memory inside him and not crack. Perhaps he had. Perhaps Harry had once been an entirely different person. Perhaps this Harry that she loves is not the true one. She shivers and swallows, feeling queasy again.

"Fuck me, Harry," she breathes, unable to articulate any other words. "I'm... I'm sorry."

"Yes, well, we all have our regrets," he replies and aside from the trembling of his hands, he looks quite calm. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his robe and clears his throat.

Eggsy throws the covers off her legs and stumbles out of bed. She's less than a foot away from Harry when she realizes he may not want to touch her now or ever again. She stops. His eyes meet hers and a shudder goes through her.

"What- what's he doing now?" she asks softly.

"Last I heard, working at a mobile health clinic or some such thing," he answers wearily. 

"Is he happy?" She has no idea why she asks but she desperately wants to know.

"I have no idea. That would require a conversation with him that I cannot have right now."

"But-"

"Eggsy," he says tiredly and he takes her hands in his, "I did not tell you for two reasons. One, he is 24-years-old and from a purely superficial standpoint, I was embarrassed to admit to you that I am old enough to have a son only two years younger than you. Secondly and more importantly, he has insisted that I not be a part of his life anymore. I rationalized my hiding him from you by fooling myself into thinking that I was respecting his decision. Now, I know that was wrong."

"But surely any kid wants a dad," Eggsy insists and her voice catches. Harry squeezes her hands.

"Life is not always that simple, my dear."

"Do you love him?" 

Harry smiles and though Eggsy is grateful to see it, she recognizes that it does not reach his eyes.

"Of course," he whispers, "with everything that I am."

"Then you have to find him!"

"My darling girl, don't you think that is what I spent years trying to do? The last time we saw each other, horrible things were said but I made a promise to him that I intend to keep."

"Don't you miss him?" she asks and her vision blurs. 

"Everyday," he sighs and squeezes her hands again, "just as you miss your father."

"Then you should reach out to him!"

Harry offers a pained half-smile.

"And tell him what exactly?" he asks. "That I still work for the organization that is responsible for his PTSD and loss of hearing?"

"That you love him and you're sorry for everything!"

"I have given him all the apologies I can think of. Sometimes you have to know when it is time to let go."

"Not when it comes to your kid!"

"I think you have this terribly romantic idea that with a single conversation, I can erase years of anger and hurt and resentment," Harry says and drops her hands. "There is a reason why he moved to the other side of the world."

"He needed time!" Eggsy has no idea why she won't let this drop but she just can't. This is so much more than her and Harry's issues. This is so much more than a stupid bloody romantic relationship. "I don't blame him. He needed to get away but I bet he'd regret it for the rest of his life if he never spoke to you again."

Harry sighs and turns away, looking as if this conversation is wearing him out and he just wants to go to bed and quite possibly, never wake up again.

"He knows I'm waiting," he says shortly. "He can come to me anytime."

"If he's half as stubborn as you, he won't make the first move."

"Then I suppose he's more like me than he would care to admit." Harry runs a hand over his face and leaves it over his eyes as if he is about to give way to sudden tears.

"Harry," Eggsy says softly and prays that she isn't about to step over the line, "what's he like?"

Harry lowers his hands and his eyes go out of focus again. A sudden small smile plays across his lips.

"He's like - and you're going to laugh at this - he always reminded me of the ocean," Harry says wistfully. "Just when I thought I knew everything about my son, he'd revealed something and demonstrate to me that I was just skimming the surface. He was exceptionally patient and sensitive to others but he could be hard and standoffish when the world forced him to be. He has my eyes but his mother's features. He was everything to us. Our entire reason for being."

Eggsy's breath hitches and she wipes at her eyes.

"Oh Harry," she whispers, "you need to find him. You need to tell him that."

"No, Eggsy," Harry sighs.

"Why not?"

"Because the world is not some fairy tale where words magically fix years of trauma and betrayal."

"But you could always try!"

Harry turns to her and reaches out, running his thumb along her cheekbone.

"I spent years trying but God knows I was fighting a losing battle."

"But he's older now."

Harry lowers his hand and turns away.

"And I'm tired now. Tired of being pushed away and ignored and being forced to face the consequences of my actions. It's selfish, I know but-"

"But if you love him as much as I know you do, you should find him. You deserve to be happy."

He smiles at her sadly and takes her hand, kissing her scarred knuckles.

"I am happy," he answers, "with you."

"It's not the same."

"No," he admits, "but it's enough for now."

Eggsy gazes at him and notices that his eyes, though tired, are warmer. She forces a smile and squeezes his hand.

"I am so sorry," she whispers.

"As am I." He leans in and kisses her forehead. "You're not going to drop this, are you?"

"Not on your life."

He quirks a smile and sighs.

"Well, at least, let us sleep on it tonight."

She nods and allows him to lead her towards their bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

The first thing Eggsy is aware of when she wakes up is that she is alone. She panics momentarily until she hears Harry puttering around in the kitchen. Alright. Good. He hasn't changed his mind and stormed out. Yet.

She turns off her alarm and blinks at her phone. Suddenly, she remembers that saved in her archives is a name and corresponding contact information. She has yet to open the email. Her thumb hovers over the screen when Harry calls for her.

"Eggsy? Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I'll be right down," she answers and puts her phone back on the nightstand. She throws the covers off of her and heads into the en suite to wash up and brush her teeth. The face that looks back at her from the mirror is still pale and unhappy. She frowns and spits toothpaste into the sink. Get yourself together. 

She dresses quickly and heads downstairs to the kitchen where Harry is placing a plate of eggs, beans and toast on the table. Eggsy steps short when she notices that Harry is fully dressed in his suit.

"What are you doing?" she asks. "You're not thinking of going to work, are you?"

"I'll go mad if I stay home again," he replies and sits down to his plate.

"Harry, you know what the doctors said. You gotta-"

"I can rest at the shop."

"But-"

"I won't be doing anything more strenuous than sitting at a desk and clicking at a screen," he says and looks up at her. "I promise."

She sighs and sits down.

"Alright, but if you keel over, don't come crying to me when Merlin hands you your arse."

He smiles tightly.

"Deal."

They eat in silence for a few moments. They rarely have time to sit down for a full breakfast. It's nice. 

"Why'd you get up so early?" Eggsy asks as she nibbles on a piece of toast.

"Couldn't sleep," he replies, shrugging. "And I figured since you didn't finish dinner last night, you'd be hungry this morning."

Eggsy's stomach rolls and she flushes. Fuck.

"Harry, I-"

"Please," he says and holds up his hand. "Let's not discuss it anymore."

"You're still angry with me, though."

Harry chews and considers this.

"Not particularly," he answers after a sip of tea. "I don't think I was ever really angry with you at all last night. I was hurt. And scared. Bloody scared."

"Scared of what?"

"You leaving."

Eggsy blinks at him.

"Why on earth would I leave? I assumed you'd be the one to walk out."

Harry smiles sadly at her and suddenly, he looks rather like his age.

"I wasn't afraid of you storming out in a huff," he clarifies. "You've done that plenty of times already. I was afraid of you walking out and ending our relationship."

"I wouldn't."

"Why wouldn't you? I'm a middle-aged man who lied about having a grown son to his much younger girlfriend."

Eggsy considers this.

"Yeah, but I... I shouldn't have..." she sighs. "I don't know."

"How did you find out anyway?" he asks and puts down his tea cup.

Eggsy is reluctant to divulge and risk getting the new doctor in trouble. Keeping her mouth shut has always been one of her redeeming characteristics.

"Found out when you got your head knocked in," she says simply.

"And the scars on your knuckles?" he asks gently.

"I punched a mirror when I found out."

Harry doesn't move or say anything. A romantic side of her wishes he would say, "Oh, my poor darling" and rush over to take her in his arms and kiss the scars. The rational side of her wonders if that will ever happen again.

"I've done that," he says simply after a few moments' silence. "It has been a long time, of course. One is more dramatic when they're younger, I suppose."

"Piss off," she shoots back.

He smiles.

"There she is," he says softly.

He stands up and clears his plate.

"The cab should be here in about 10 minutes," he says. 

She nods and stands beside him as she clears her own plate. It's a start, she thinks.

 

She's going over the findings of the counterfeit ring with Morien when Roxy arrives at HQ.

"Hello, kids," she says cheerfully. "Missed you lot."

"How was your mission?" Eggsy asks.

"Dull," she replies, taking off her suit jacket. "But successful."

"Best kind," Morien says.

She rolls her eyes. 

"Glad to be back, though," she says and sits down. "So what did I miss?"

Eggsy is silent even though Roxy is looking at her. When her eyes shift quickly to Morien, he jumps in, "Nothing really. We're tracking a counterfeit ring that is also very dull. Arthur got a knock on the head but he's fine now. Percy's in Beirut."

Roxy grins.

"Don't let him hear you call him that," she says. "He hates it."

Morien opens his mouth to reply when Merlin walks in.

"Morien," he says, "a word, please?"

"Right there, sir," he says and stands up. "See you two later."

The two men leave the room and Roxy puts her feet up on the now empty desk chair that Morien vacated. 

"So how are things?" she asks. "Really."

"Fine," Eggsy replies.

Roxy raises an eyebrow.

"What?" Eggsy says.

"Something going on?" Roxy asks, mildly concerned.

"No."

"Eggsy."

"How do you know Percival?" Eggsy asks abruptly. She feels rather foolish for realizing she never found out their connection.

Roxy blinks.

"Guess I can tell you now," she says. "He's my uncle."

Eggsy stares.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. My mum's brother. Why?"

"I guess I- well, it's odd, innit? To think of Kingsman agents having families, you know?"

Roxy shrugs.

"I don't know. I never really thought about it. We've all got families, don't we?"

"Some do and some don't."

"What are you on about?" Roxy sighs. "You're being cryptic."

"I think I got a headache coming on."

Roxy widens her eyes. 

"I got something in my locker for that," she says. "Come on."

Roxy takes off her glasses, places them in her bag, and leads Eggsy to the nearest private bathroom. She closes and locks the door behind them.

"Alright, what's going on?" she demands. "And where are your glasses?"

"Left 'em in my locker."

"Merlin will have your head."

Eggsy shrugs.

"Alright, you got me here," Roxy says. "So spill it. What's wrong?"

"You ever do any digging on a partner?"

"You mean a fellow agent?"

"A romantic partner."

Roxy cocks her head to the side.

"I've Googled people, sure," she says. "I haven't dated anyone since I got knighted, though. Now I'd probably do a full background check, to be honest. Why?"

"I have some information on Harry and I can't decide if I should look into it or not."

Roxy widens her eyes.

"Eggsy, he's our boss."

"I know."

"Is it dangerous information?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

Eggsy hesitates. She's already told her mum. But Roxy works for Harry. This is different, isn't it?

"It's not my secret to tell," she finally says.

Roxy sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

"I don't know," she says finally. "Does it have anything to do with Kingsman?"

"No."

"It's strictly personal?"

"Yes."

"I think a lot of times people get hurt when they go snooping," she says finally. "But if it'll keep you from getting hurt worse from him later on... then do it."

Eggsy grins.

"You're placing my safety over Harry's? That's sounds like treason."

Roxy shrugs.

"Harry's a great boss," she says. "But you're my best friend."

Eggsy envelops her in a tight hug. If all else fails, she thinks, she's at least got Mum and Roxy. She'll survive.

 

Later, when she's on the trip back to the shop and alone in her compartment, she opens her email.

It's right there. She doesn't allow herself a hesitation before she clicks it.

Christopher Khalid Hart, age 24.

Oh fuck, she realizes. Harry was wrong. He lives in England.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading and remember, comments are the stuff that dreams are made of! Please stop by my tumblr to say hello and gush about Hartwin: http://hollymartinswrites.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: violence and off-screen attempted sexual assault

Harry is staying late at the office tonight. 

He's probably still sore about the last 24 hours and isn't in a hurry to face Eggsy again. She doesn't exactly blame him. Besides, it gives her time to think about what to fucking do.

According to her email, Christopher Khalid Hart (that's a badass middle name, she thinks) lives in Birmingham. He's less than three hours away. She could hop on a train and be there before midnight. Why on earth did Harry claim he lives in India?

Maybe that was a lie, too, she thinks, her heart sinking. Maybe Harry knows he's close by and doesn't want her looking for him. Or maybe he truly didn't know. Maybe he was telling the truth when he claimed to keep Christopher out of his life as his son's request.

It feels odd giving a name to a faceless entity, she realizes. It's like he's a ghost, hovering just out of vision but you sense his presence, nonetheless.

She shakes her head and pours herself a drink. JB looks up at her from his bed and cocks his head.

"Don't judge me," she snaps. "You ain't got shit to worry about."

He yawns and apparently agrees.

Eggsy sighs and looks down at her phone screen again.

She could Google him but Harry would most likely find out. She could go out to one of those internet cafes and do it. And then do what?

She runs a hand through her hair. Why the fuck is she doing this to herself? He ain't her kid. And Harry said forget it. 

Eggsy looks up and sees the mantle where Harry had cleared space for her. She had placed several framed photographs of her and Roxy, Mum and Daisy. One of Dad.

She looks away. Real good job you're doing, proving that counselor Mum made you see when you were 13 right. Somebody's got some daddy issues. She stands up and abruptly lowers the photo of her dad face down. 

"Come on, JB," she calls. "We're going for a walk."

If JB had eyebrows, she thinks, he'd definitely be raising them.

 

By the time she returns, the lights are on. Harry's home.

She sighs and opens the front door, JB leading her to his bed immediately. She passes the mantle. Lee's photo is upright again. Great. 

"Eggsy?" Harry calls from upstairs.

"Yeah, coming," she says, unleashing JB. "Go on, get to bed, you lazy git."

He licks her hand and all but collapses in his bed. He drops off to sleep immediately. Lucky bastard.

Eggsy takes off her jacket, hangs it up and treks upstairs. Harry comes out of the bedroom, drying his hands on a towel. He's already in his robe.

"Took JB out?" he asks.

"Yeah, he's starting to get fat, ain't he?"

Harry smiles.

"Now that training is over, he is getting a bit pampered."

"That's because of you and don't deny it," she replies.

Harry shrugs.

"Been a long time since I had a dog," he admits and steps aside for her to walk into the bedroom.

She begins undressing and tries to calm her mind. If only she had a clear path of action. If only Merlin was in her ear telling her exactly where to go and what to do. She could accomplish anything that way.

Suddenly Harry's hands are on her bare shoulders and she jumps a bit. She can sense him stiffen behind her and she closes her eyes, focuses on steadying her breathing. Harry leans in and brushes his lips along the curve where her neck meets her shoulder. She shivers.

"What's that for?" she asks.

"I've missed you," he whispers.

She looks down.

"Trying to make me feel guilty, are ya?"

"Never."

"Well, it ain't that hard," she sighs and moves out of his grasp. She turns and faces him. "You love me?"

"Of course."

"No matter what?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Yeah, well," Eggsy sighs, "I love you, as well."

"Well, don't sound too excited," he teases gently.

She rolls her eyes and smirks. She takes too steps forward and takes his face in her hands.

"I've missed you, too," she whispers.

He leans down and kisses her fully, taking her into his arms.

This feels nice, she thinks. It still feels nice. That's good, innit? 

"Hang on," she says. "We can't play around. You're still recovering."

"Oh piss off," Harry murmurs against her lips.

"Harry!" 

He sighs and backs up, smiling nonetheless.

"Well, alright," he sighs. "Though I haven't had a headache since this morning."

She leans up and kisses him on his jaw.

"Soon enough," she says.

"You're not using this concussion as a convenient way to avoid sex with me, are you?"

"If I didn't want sex, I'd just tell ya."

"True."

She nips at his neck.

"Now go to bed," she says. "I'll be right in."

He nods and she walks into the en suite, closing the door behind her. She splashes water on her face and watches it drip off in the mirror.

That was a close one, she thinks.

 

The next few days pass by in a blur. Harry recovers. Eggsy and Morien wrap up the counterfeiting job and send the leader off to the authorities practically with a bow on top. Merlin commends them. Roxy gives her questioning looks occasionally but eventually, they slow down and then stop altogether. Before she knows it, a couple of weeks pass.

Harry and her are back to normal. Ish. They don't bring up his son or even the topic of lying. They go to work together and occasionally go home together. They eat as many meals as possible together. They have sex. It's nice.

Then everything goes straight to hell. As usual.

 

"Merlin, where the fuck am I supposed to go?" Eggsy grits out, her back against the pallets and gunfire flying overhead.

"Head southeast," Merlin's voice says over the feed. It's calm but Eggsy can hear the tightness in it. "You're clear for about 200 yards."

Eggsy takes a breath and sprints, hurdling over boxes and loose freight. Bullets whiz through the air and angry voices shout commands and curses in German. 

"Take a sharp left."

Eggsy does so and sees a clearing.

"Sniper up ahead. Duck behind those pallets on the right and take him out."

Eggsy grins as she does so. This she can do. This she enjoys. She looks up behind the pallet and spots him. She's got a clear shot. 

Then the power goes out.

"Fuck," she murmurs.

"Bedivere, are you still with me?"

"Yeah," she whispers. "I got-"

Later, she'll assume it's a cricket bat that sent her reeling but she's not even sure that they play cricket in Germany.

All she does know for sure is that pain bursts out of her side and she's sprawling on the ground. A rough hand grabs her arm and yanks her up and shakes her violently, screaming at her in German. She always has trouble following when they speak so loudly and quickly.

"Du machst einen Fehler," she gasps. "Ihr Chef wird mit Ihnen. Er ist korrupt."

He backhands her and her glasses go flying. She's blind. 

"Merlin!" she screams, praying he can still hear her but she has no idea where her glasses have gone.

That's when a gun cracks down on her head and everything truly goes black.

 

When she wakes up, she sees JB first. The fat little bastard is sitting on the chair beside her bed, a chewed up tennis ball in his mouth. He drops it immediately and begins barking happily.

She smiles but immediately stops when she realizes that it hurts. She closes her eyes and takes stock of her body. Her middle is stiff but not in agony. Head aches but not unbearably. Her toes can wiggle. Her ankles and legs don't seem to hurt when she inches them up and down. Her fingers- FUCKING SHIT.

She gasps and arches her back but that hurts, too. She manages to keep from crying out when the door opens and that same fucking doctor who started everything comes in.

"Good to see you awake, Agent Bedivere," he says cheerfully. Fuck him. 

A nurse checks her vitals as he looks her over.

"How long?" she asks, her voice raspy. 

The doctor smiles and holds out a cup of cool water for her, straw and all. She sips as he says, "You've been out for three days. Most of that was the medicine, not from your concussion."

She wants to roll her eyes. Fuck, her too, now?

"I'm afraid, however, that your right hand and wrist are broken," he sighs. "It's going to have to stay in a split and cast for at least eight weeks."

She widens her eyes.

"No, no," she gasps. "I can't have that."

"Merlin and the rest of HQ are aware of your condition," he says gently. "The focus now is on getting you back to your best. Not back on the field sooner."

"But-"

"That's the only course of action we can take."

She sighs and closes her eyes, willing the tears to not form.

"Anything else?" she asks.

"You were shot in the abdomen."

She opens her eyes.

"I was?"

"Yes," he says gently. "The painkillers work wonders, don't they?"

With her left hand, she lifts up the blanket and sees the bandages wrapped around her torso.

"Where's the bullet?" she asks.

"It was a clean exit wound," he says. "Missed your vital organs. You're very lucky."

Eggsy raises her eyes and suddenly feels queasy.

"Hang on, if I was shot, that means I wasn't wearing my suit."

The doctor nods and the nurse puts her hand on Eggsy's shoulder.

"They did undress you," he says, his voice even more gentle and understanding. "But you were not assaulted in any way. Agent Percival arrived in time."

Eggsy stares at them as if they are speaking a different language.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," she manages to get out. The nurse holds up the basin just in time.

 

Harry arrives in a flurry of activity. There are voices in the hall, an argument, and doors slamming. Then her door bursts open and Harry is in the doorway, hair and eyes wild, chest heaving as he attempts to catch his breath.

"They didn't tell me you were awake," he gasps.

"Surprise," Eggsy says softly, JB not moving from his spot curled up at her feet.

Something quick and dark passes over Harry's face and then he very nearly crumples. Eggsy is alarmed enough to say, "Are you alr-" but is interrupted by Harry rushing to her side and all but collapsing onto her, careful to avoid harming her.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers and Eggsy is shocked to feel tears dampening her hospital gown. "I'm so sorry. Never again. I promise. Never again. I can't lose you. I can't lose you, as well."

"Harry?"

"I swear it. Anything. I just can't lose you."

Eggsy decides to let him have his moment. She lifts up her good hand and strokes his hair. JB apparently sense that sometimes is wrong because he waddles up and licks Harry's ear.

Eggsy gazes up at the ceiling and allows the tears this time.


	8. Chapter 8

Harry spends every night in a cot beside Eggsy's bed. She begs him to go home but he won't have it. More than once, she wakes up from a nightmare, heart beating wildly and waves of panic washing over her. Then she'll feel Harry's hand on the forearm that isn't in a sling, rubbing soothing circles and she relaxes, breath evening out. 

He kisses her every morning before he leaves for HQ, even if she's asleep. She knows this because sometimes she pretends to be sleeping and won't smile until after his lips brush her forehead and the door closes behind him. It's rather sweet.

The doctor says she can go home to recuperate by the end of the week. She had been allowed to call her mother, telling her she's been mildly injured but she's fine and she'll see her soon. Her mum threatened to burn down the tailor shop but Eggsy managed to calm her and downplay her injuries. Harry, luckily, had not been in the room when she made that call but he was probably listening somewhere. The sneaky bastard.

It's during the last night of her hospital stay that she discovers something else about this man she calls her boyfriend (that still doesn't seem like the right word, she thinks. It's too immature, too superficial for the two of them).

It's the middle of the night when she awakens. As usual, the lights are merely dim and she blinks to adjust. She's on her back and she barely has to turn her head to spot Harry, who has given up his cot for a chair beside her bed. She assumes he's asleep: his hands are folded in his lap, his eyes are closed, and his chin is tucked against his chest. How uncomfortable, she thinks. That's when he does it. His lips suddenly move silently, he unfolds his hands, and he makes the sign of the cross.

Eggsy blinks.

She had long ago accepted that Harry was, quite literally, an international man of mystery but this... this she had never expected.

For a moment, she has no idea how to react or even what to think. She remembers being dragged to Anglican services as a young girl by her grandparents but after Dad died, all of that stopped. Her mum has no religion to speak of and she isn't even sure if Daisy had been christened. Religion had simply never entered her head.

But Harry? 

Suddenly, a memory floats into her consciousness: a sarcastic rather bitchy posh voice echoing over a live feed: 

"I'm a Catholic whore...."

A shocked laugh escapes Eggsy and Harry startles.

"You're awake," he says and reaches to pour her a fresh cup of cool water. 

"Yeah," she admits and adjusts her bed so that she's sitting up. She accepts the cup with her free hand and drinks it gratefully, her eyes staring at Harry levelly over the rim. "Thank you."

"How are you feeling?" he asks and takes the cup from her before taking her hand.

"Alright. Anxious to go home."

"I don't doubt it."

Oh fuck it. Bite the bullet.

"Were you just praying?" she asks.

"Yes," he answers smoothly and Eggsy is shocked again. 

"Really?"

"Yes," he says and smiles. "You seem surprised."

"I am. Didn't realize you're, er..."

"A Catholic?"

"Religious."

"I'm afraid I'm not that religious. At least, not like I used to be when I was young. But I often pray and you are always in my prayers."

Eggsy flushes and feels an odd warmth spread throughout her chest. She realizes she had never heard anyone claim to pray for her in her life. She has no idea if praying is anything other than talking to yourself but it's nice, nonetheless.

"Thank you," she says softly. "I guess I just never figured you for a Christian. Or anything, really."

Harry smiles.

"Well, I am English," he says, "so I tend to keep my beliefs to myself. Stiff upper lip and all that."

Eggsy rolls her eyes.

"So do you go to church?" she asks and winces inwardly, hoping he is not reminded of Kentucky.

"When I have the time but that is very rare," he says. "You seem awfully interested in my beliefs."

"Guess because I don't have any."

"None?"

Eggsy shrugs.

"Never really thought about it," she admits. "I mean, I figured there was a God or something bigger than all this but... who knows?"

"Who knows indeed?"

"Was you always Catholic?"

"Raised in it," he says and adjusts the blankets around her waist. "Even was an altar boy, believe it or not."

Eggsy laughs loudly and has to cover her mouth. Harry smiles at her and suddenly, she realizes she must be in love because she wants to know everything about this man, not out of mere curiosity but out of a desire to share his life entirely. She wants to rejoice in his accomplishments and mourn in his failures; she wants to exorcise his demons and bring his light to the surface. If she was standing, she would've staggered under the weight of this realization.

"I'd like to see photos of that," she says instead, grinning.

"I'm sure they exist somewhere."

"So you're a good Catholic boy?"

"I wouldn't say that much."

"No, I suppose I wouldn't. So much the better for me," she adds cheekily.

Harry smirks at her and squeezes her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles.

"I was quite the good Catholic when I was young," he admits. "I was quite the square in that sense. Then you go off to uni and get rebellious and then I-"

He breaks off abruptly and his face changes. He suddenly looks pained.

"Harry?"

"Nothing," he says. "It's nothing. You should go back to sleep, my dear."

"Christ, for a secret agent, you're a terrible liar."

Harry gazes up at her and then sighs.

"I suppose there's no point anymore," he says softly. "I'm sure you've been wondering for ages."

"About what?"

"Christopher's mother."

And it's like a bucket of cold water is thrown over her. She had wondered about her but for some reason, she seemed less substantial than Harry's missing son. She had half-convinced herself that she didn't exist; that perhaps Harry simply came upon a child one day like Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. You're a bloody idiot, she thinks to herself.

"What about her?"

"I was going to say," Harry says as he takes a breath, "it was in uni that I got rebellious and fancied myself an ex-Catholic and then I met Noor."

"Noor."

"Yes," he sighs. "Christopher's mother."

Eggsy suddenly remembers reading that Christopher's middle name is Khalid. What pretty names, she thinks. So much prettier than her own.

"She was Muslim and I was so entranced by her that I began studying Islam," he says. "I even toyed with the idea of converting but she merely laughed and said I was trying to impress her."

Eggsy blinks.

"Was?" she repeats.

Harry meets her gaze again and smiles tightly.

"Yes," he sighs. "She's dead."

Eggsy stares and wonders how one man can handle so much sorrow in his life and still be standing.

"Harry, I-"

"It was a long time ago," he says quickly. 

"Was she a Kingsman, too?"

"Goodness, no," he says. "A barrister. Quite a good one, too."

"What happened?" Eggsy asks breathlessly, terrified of the answer.

Harry's face looks pinched as he says, "I'm afraid it was rather anti-climatic for the partner of a secret agent. Ovarian cancer."

"Fuck me."

"Mmm."

They're both silent for a long moment. Eggsy looks down at her hand clasped in his and considers all the things his hands have done in his lifetime. Good and bad.

"Was she your wife?" she asks suddenly.

"No."

"But you loved her."

"Very much so."

Eggsy nods.

"Must've been pretty badass," she says softly, "for you to love her that much."

"She was," he admits. "Much more than me. You would've liked her. She was very clever and witty with quite a naughty sense of humor."

Eggsy smiles and sniffs. Suddenly, she can't keep it to herself anymore.

"Christopher's in Birmingham," she says and looks up at Harry. He widens his eyes and looks away. He steadies his breathing and clenches his eyes shut before turning back towards her.

"How do you know this?" he asks. His face hardens. "Did you go looking for him?"

"No," she says quickly. "No, I... when you were knocked out with your concussion the doctor gave me your next of kin. I have his address."

Harry looks down and suddenly runs a hand over his face tiredly.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does!" 

"Eggsy, not tonight. Please."

"You say that whenever he's brought up."

"And I mean it."

"Harry, we can go to him."

"We?"

"You think I'd let you go off alone and fuck up your chance to reconnect with your son?"

Harry smiles tightly and leans in to kiss her on her forehead.

"Go to sleep," he whispers. "We'll talk about it in the morning."

"You're always gone when I wake up in the morning."

"Then we'll talk about it after work when we get you home."

"Promise?" 

"Promise."


	9. Chapter 9

When Merlin escorts her home and sees that she is comfortably in bed and quite safe, thank you very much, Merlin, you don't have to hover about, he leaves her for a few moments and returns with her mother and Daisy.  
  
"Mum!" she exclaims and sits up rapidly, wincing in the process and gritting her teeth.  
  
"Lay down, babe, relax," Michelle soothes as she rushes over to her side and puts a hand on her forehead. "Mummy's here."  
  
"I can see that," Eggsy replies. "What's going on? I'm not dying, am I?"  
  
Michelle smiles tensely.   
  
"No, babe, Harry invited us to stay."  
  
Eggsy's eyes widened.  
  
"What?" she gasps.  
  
"He said you were injured and needed to recuperate at home and since he couldn't keep an eye on you in person, we should come by and be with you." Michelle leans in and kisses her on her forehead. "I'm so glad he did. I've been frantic trying to find out what happened."  
  
"Mum, I'm fine."  
  
"You're not fine, look at you!"  
  
"Christ, thanks for the boost of confidence."  
  
Michelle smiles and shakes her head, carding her fingers through Eggsy's hair. Merlin suddenly clears his throat and if Eggsy had been surprised to see her mother and sister in Harry's house again, nothing prepared her for the sight of Daisy, quite content, in Merlin's arms.  
  
"You're well on your way to recovery," he says calmly. "I will arrange for a check-up by the end of the week and you have the direct nurse hotline saved in your phone."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"If you have any issues, please do not hesitate to contact me directly."  
  
"I know."  
  
Merlin nods and walks towards the bed and gently hands Daisy to Michelle.  
  
"Thank you, Gavin," she says and smiles, looking quite besotted.  
  
Eggsy rolls her eyes. That's all she needs.  
  
"My pleasure," he replies. "Heal up, Eggsy. We're waiting for you back at the office."  
  
"Good to know I'm needed."  
  
"Quite."  
  
He nods at the three of them and then walks out. Eggsy sighs and leans back against the pillows and smirks at the look on her mother's face.  
  
"Mum, I don't even know if he's into women," she says.  
  
"Hmm? Who? What on earth are you talking about?"  
  
"M- Gavin."  
  
"Oh hush."  
  
"I'm not the one gawking after him."  
  
"You think he's gay?" Michelle asks, looking a bit forlorn.  
  
"Honestly, I think he's asexual."  
  
Michelle sighs and shrugs her shoulders.  
  
"Well, mind your business," she says before standing up. "Come on, Dais, let's fix your sister some tea."  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"Well, a cuppa never hurt anyone."  
  
"Mum-"  
  
"You'll drink it and enjoy it."  
  
And with that, Michelle left the room with Daisy giggling in her arms. Eggsy stares up at the ceiling and sighs, closing her eyes and willing herself to relax. It's alright, she thinks. You're safe now.  
  
  
Eggsy opens her eyes when she hears the front door open and close. She hears muffled voices from downstairs and realizes her mother is greeting Harry. She swallows, praying that tense words aren't being exchanged. Then she recognizes Harry's familiar footfalls on the staircase and his polite knock on the door.  
  
"It's your bedroom, come in," she says.  
  
The door opens and Harry walks in, untying his tie in the process.  
  
"How are you feeling?" he asks.  
  
"Fine," she replies. "Bored."  
  
"That is to be expected."  
  
"You really asked Mum and Daisy to stay?"  
  
"Of course," he says and gingerly sits beside her on the bed, his hand on her wrist. "I didn't want you alone in the house all day. What if, God forbid, something happened?"  
  
"You don't mind?"  
  
Harry furrows his brow.  
  
"Why would I mind?"  
  
"You and Mum aren't each other's biggest fans."  
  
"Don't be ridiculous," he says gently. "Your mum may occasionally terrify me but she is, after all, your mother. I'm quite fond of her. She did give birth to you."  
  
Eggsy rolls her eyes.  
  
"And besides, Daisy is a joy," he says and stands up, taking off his jacket. "She's easier to please than you."  
  
"She's also cuter."  
  
"That is debatable."  
  
"Oy, you calling my sister ugly?"  
  
Harry smirks before disappearing into the en suite. The sheer domesticity of Harry undressing in the en suite, door open, and her in bed waiting for him, nearly staggers her. She had never dreamed it could be like this. Well, she could do without the gunshot wound but you can't have it all, can you?  
  
"Harry?" she calls.  
  
"Yes?" he calls back.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you, too," he answers easily.   
  
She smiles to herself. Don't think too hard, she thinks. Don't think any anything.   
  
  
That night she can't sleep. It's too be expected, she supposes. She's been in bed for over a week and she's suffered her share of nightmares. Her mind is buzzing and the room is too still and quiet. Harry had been reluctant to share the bed with her for fear of hurting her but she couldn't bear to be alone again. Besides, her Mum and Daisy were in the guest room and she wouldn't have Harry break his back on the sofa.  
  
She reaches for her phone on the nightstand. It's an awkward position with only her left arm not in a sling but she manages it. She begins scrolling through her emails and various feeds. She reads some mindless celebrity gossip and even watches some porn on low but her mind is still busy. She glances over to her side. Harry is fast asleep, sprawled on his stomach, his head facing the opposite wall. She sighs and types in a name.  
  
There are several other Christopher Harts but no one jumps out as being related to Harry. She tries Chris Hart but that just overwhelms her with more options. She frowns and considers flinging her phone away when she tries Christopher Khalid Hart. She scrolls through and is disappointed again when she spots something on the second page.  
  
It's from a local paper in Birmingham. An engagement announcement: Mr. and Mrs. Arun Gupta are pleased to announce the engagement of their daughter, Vidya, to Khalid Hart...  
  
 _A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he's born, when he marries, and when he dies._  
  
She frowns at the memory and considers closing out the tab when she thinks, how many Khalid Harts are there? And how many are in Birmingham? She scrolls down. There's a picture of the happy couple.  
  
"Oh fuck," she whispers.  
  
Harry's right. He doesn't look much like his father but somehow, she knows this is him. The same eyes that greet her smiling every morning stare up at her from the screen: warm and brown and oddly gentle.   
  
And he's got the same thick wild hair only Harry styles the curls out of it. The man in the photo obviously doesn't mind; his hair is a mass of dark curls.  
  
Harry was right, though. He doesn't much physically resemble him and even from the photo and the young, smiling woman beside him, she can tell that he's broader than Harry, with a light olive complexion. But it's him. It has to be him.  
  
She quickly looks up Khalid Hart and finds the link to a non-profit organization specializing in deafness. His name and another photo, smiling the same quiet Harry smile, is included on the staff page with his name. The woman he's engaged to is listed as well. His two line biography includes a recent job in India and Eggsy feels dizzy. Harry hadn't been wrong, then.  
  
She drops her phone on her chest and stares at the ceiling. Suddenly, her chest constricts and she desperately wants to cry. You're such an idiot, Eggsy. Don't go looking if you're not gonna like what you find.  
  
But this is good, she rationalizes. Harry's son is engaged. He's happy. Harry doesn't have much to worry about. She's about to wake him up when a text alert pops onto her screen. She goes cold when she sees it.  
  
FROM: MERLIN  
 _Why are you researching Khalid Hart?_  
  
Don't puke, don't puke, she reminds herself.  
  
Eggsy responds.  
  
 _Why are you spying on my phone?_  
  
 _This is a Kingsman-issued phone. I have no idea why you aren't using your private phone._  
  
Eggsy frowns.  
  
 _What are you doing up? It's 2 in the morning._  
  
 _Why are you researching Khalid Hart?_  
  
Eggsy bits her lips and her thumb hesitates over the keyboard when another message box arrives.  
  
 _His welfare is none of your business._  
  
 _Ain't yours either._  
  
 _Of course, it is. I'm his godfather. And he didn't ask me to stop speaking to him._  
  
Eggsy's stomach lurches. Christ, what else does she not know?   
  
_Eggsy, please leave well enough alone. I'm afraid you are only going to get yourself and/or Harry hurt._   
  
Eggsy narrows her eyes at the screen as she types out her response.  
  
 _You're in contact with him?_  
  
 _Yes._  
  
Traitor, she thinks.   
  
_You ought to tell Harry his son's engaged._  
  
 _No. That is not my place; nor is it yours._   
  
Eggsy searches her brain for a good comeback but settles on the classic.  
  
 _Piss off._  
  
She power downs her phone and scowls at the ceiling.   
  
  
The next morning, she politely asks Harry to retrieve her private phone from her bag before he heads to work. He does and kisses her gently before finishing dressing.   
  
Her mum brings her breakfast and tea and does laundry, vacuums, dusts, and cooks while Daisy sits in bed with Eggsy watching cartoons and coloring. She glances at the clock. It's nearly two in the afternoon. She remembers Harry mentioning that Merlin will be out of HQ and in France for the next 72 hours. His plane departs at 3:10pm.  
  
At 3:11, she texts Harry's private mobile number with a link to an engagement announcement and thinks that Merlin is a bit of a coward.  
 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm off to work so this chapter isn't fully proof-read. I just wanted to post it before I forgot so please be gentle. xoxo

There isn't much to do when you're recovering from a broken wrist and gunshot wound to the abdomen so Eggsy dozes the rest of the day away. It's the most she's slept in ages so she allows herself to enjoy it and to enjoy the feeling of Daisy curled up beside her in bed and her mum bringing her tea and painkillers.

At one point, she awakens to the sound of her Mum's mobile going off and a hushed one-sided conversation in the hall. Eggsy blinks and glances at the clock, realizes it's after seven and Harry should be home by now. Michelle hangs up and walks in to take her place at Eggsy's bedside and smiles at the sight of her daughter awake.

"Hungry, love?" she asks.

"A bit," Eggsy admits. "Who was that?" She motions to the mobile in Michelle's hand.

"It was just Harry," Michelle says and gathers up the tray and half-empty tea cups, ignoring the look of surprise on Eggsy's face that Harry and her mum apparently have one another's numbers, "says he's going to be working late tonight so don't wait up. He wants you to rest."

Eggsy keeps her face blank and nods.

"I've been resting all day," she points out. 

"Well, it can't hurt ya," Michelle smiles. "I'll get you something to nibble on, alright? Give me a few."

Eggsy nods and doesn't release a breath until her mother is out of the room. She's fucked up. She knows it. She was too arrogant and too angry from her late-night conversation with Merlin and now she's fucked up. Let her emotions run away with her. Wasn't that one of the first lessons they taught her at Kingsman? No wonder Roxy makes a better agent. If V-Day hadn't happened, you wouldn't be an agent at all.

Eggsy flushes angrily and wants to punch something but she's trapped here with a broken wrist and a pissed off boyfriend who she apparently enjoys disappointing. 

Michelle walks in with a tray of sandwiches, biscuits, and fruit. She's smiling at her daughter and Eggsy tries to smile back.

"Thanks, Mum," she says and takes the tray from her. "Did Harry say why he was working so late?"

Michelle shakes her head.

"No, just that it could be an all-nighter."

Eggsy looks down at the food and feels her appetite wither away.

"Come on, love, you haven't eaten all day," Michelle points out.

Eggsy nods and eats everything on the tray, not tasting a thing and feeling like a fool.

 

She gasps awake and fumbles for the light. She's covered in sweat and her heart is beating wildly. There's someone in the room.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Harry says. "Go back to sleep. It's early."

She blinks at him, hunched over his dresser and taking out perfectly folded clothes and neatly arranged socks. 

"Whassit?" she mumbles. Her head feels cloudy. She rubs her eyes and notices that the sun is rising. A glance at the clock shows that it's just after dawn.

"Go back to sleep, Eggsy," Harry says again and heads to the closet. That's when she notices the overnight bag in his hand.

"What are you doing?"

Harry doesn't respond, merely pulls out a couple of ties.

"Harry?" She's alarmed now. "What's going on? Where are you going?"

"I said, go to sleep."

"Fuck off, what are you doing? Why are you packing?"

Harry's face is tight as he zips up the bag.

"With Merlin gone until Monday, it's best I stay at the manor in his absence."

Eggsy's heart plummets and she feels nauseous. 

"What? No, Harry, I-"

"Your mother is here and is taking much better care of you than I can provide."

"Don't go, I-"

"Roxanne returns tonight. If you wish, I can send her over."

"But-"

"Go back to sleep, Eggsy."

"Fuck it, if this is about that text I sent-"

"Do you enjoy tormenting me?"

Eggsy blinks and wonders if Harry had always looked this old and tired.

"What?" she gasps.

"Is it a game to you?"

"The fuck you on about, Harry?"

"Is that what all of this has been? Have you been laughing at me this entire time? The silly old eccentric bachelor with nothing to offer? Is that it?"

"You're actin' mad," Eggsy says and curses to herself that she can't throw back the covers and march up to him right now.

"Am I?" Harry raises an eyebrow.

"I just wanted you to see that your son is alright! That he's happy!"

"I told you to leave it alone," he says, his voice low and dangerous. "I told you it wasn't any of your business and you ignored me."

"If you're too stubborn to look for him, I'll-"

"You disobeyed me."

Eggsy's vision turns red and she wishes had something besides a pillow to throw at him.

"This ain't work, bruv," she snarls. "You ain't my boss here."

Harry straightens, turns back to his overnight bag and picks it up, heading to the door.

"Merlin talks to him, did you know that?" she snaps.

Harry pauses, his hand outstretched towards the doorknob. 

"Merlin is still in contact with your son, he told me so himself. So you gonna go over and be a prick to him, too?"

Harry is silent and his entire being seems to be made up of tense, hard lines. Eggsy swallows and waits.

"When will you realize," he says softly, "that my relationship with my son is none of your concern?"

"Of course it is!"

"Eggsy, it's-"

"What if we have kids?" she blurts out. "You gonna hide the fact that they got a brother from them like you hid it from me?"

Harry turns to her and stares.

"You've never mentioned children before," he says stiffly.

"Yeah, well, it could happen."

"If you want children, I'm afraid you will have to look elsewhere."

Eggsy blinks at him. She had truly never considered having children but she wasn't stupid; accidents happen. But hearing Harry say those words was rather like a dagger in the heart.

"Harry, I was just saying..."

"Perhaps this was a mistake," Harry whispers, his eyes going out of focus.

"No, it's not. Harry, please-"

"Go back to sleep, Eggsy," he says blankly and walks out the door.

Eggsy stares at the closed door and can't decide if she wants to cry, scream, or throw something. 

She decides on all three.


	11. Chapter 11

Eggsy's mum is smart. She doesn't ask any questions. All she says is, "If you wanna talk, I'm here."  
  
Eggsy desperately wants to drink but she can't with the pain killers she's on. Or at least, that's what her mum insists. Instead, she makes Daisy and JB cuddle Eggsy all day and feeds her her favorite junk foods. By the time twilight arrives, Eggsy is feeling marginally better.  
  
Then she receives a text from Roxy.  
  
 _Are you alright? Did something happen with Harry?_  
  
Eggsy frowns at her mobile and wishes suddenly she had turned it off, regardless of her pointless hope that Harry would reach out to her at one point during the day. She responds to Roxy with a simple: _Why?_  
  
He's sort of locked himself in Merlin's office. Looks to me like he's been drinking.  
  
 _We had a fight this morning._  
  
 _Oh, luv, I'm sorry. Want me to come over?_  
  
 _No. It's alright. Go home and get some rest._  
  
 _Are you sure?_  
  
Eggsy smiles at the fact that she's got such a good friend in Roxy and wipes at her eyes.   
  
_Yeah, just double check on Harry and then go home. It's not the first time we've pissed each other off._  
  
Several minutes pass before Roxy replies: _Got him to eat something and to lay down. You sure you're ok?_  
  
 _I swear it! And thank you, Rox. Sorry you had to clean up my mess._  
  
 _It's alright, luv. I'll ring ya tomorrow. xoxo_  
  
Eggsy sighs and turns off her phone. There's no point now. He ain't calling anytime soon.  
  
  
Two days pass in a haze of disappointment and boredom. Harry never contacts her. Roxy comes round to cheer her up and watch bad horror films with lots of gore to make her laugh. Her mum kisses her and Daisy draws her pictures to make her smile. JB merely eats and sleeps and licks her hand. She's rather jealous of him.  
  
The doctor and a nurse arrive to remove the bandages from around her abdomen. She still isn't allow to run about or even pick things up, at least not for another few days but it does feel good to breathe properly. Even if she still has another month of the bloody cast on her wrist. She tries not to think about it.  
  
After they leave, she walks downstairs for the first time in ages. Even with the sounds of her mum feeding Daisy in the kitchen and JB snoring, the house feels empty. Eggsy is reminded of those horrible moments immediately after Harry had been shot by Valentine. She had wandered through his silent house like a ghost, staring at mounted dead butterflies and that creepy Mr. Pickle, wondering if she would ever feel happy again.  
  
She goes into Harry's office and sits at his desk. Harry had never been one for personal decorations in his office space but there is a tiny framed photo of Eggsy and Daisy on his desk now. Eggsy sighs and averts her eyes, taking in the neatly arranged pens and leather folder. When she looks up and spots the empty leather chair she had sat in during those 24 hours they had had together, she bursts into tears. Fuck this.  
  
She's so fucking tired of crying but she can't seem to help it. She wipes at her eyes angrily and sniffs but apparently her nose is beyond her control. She's practically a faucet. She reaches down and begins opening drawers in the desk. She recalls Harry reaching down for a handkerchief once when he had made Eggsy laugh really hard while drinking tea. It had taken a great deal of willpower to not spew all over his lovely desk.  
  
She searches frantically for a tissue, a napkin, bloody anything, when another photo of herself greets her in the bottom drawer. She pauses and stares at it. It's on a pile of other photos and Eggsy decides, fuck it, and wipes her nose on her shirtsleeve. She picks up the photos and looks through them: some are from the manor with Roxy and occasionally, an unsmiling Merlin; others are merely cliched relationship-type photos of her smiling up from bed or silly selfies she had taken on his phone. She had no idea he had saved any of them, let alone print them.   
  
She smiles at one of her with JB on her lap, Kingsman glasses balanced precariously on his face. Merlin had not been pleased. She laughs at the memory and flips it to the back of the stack when a younger Harry looks up at her.  
  
He's not wearing his glasses and his hair isn't nearly as neat as it is usually is but more importantly, he's holding hands with a young boy. The boy is grinning and wearing a school uniform and he looks so happy that Eggsy can't help but smile, too. This was Harry's former life, the one he refuses to share with her. Eggsy runs a gentle finger along Harry's face and stops at the boy. He's bloody adorable and she feels a warmth rush through her. If only Harry could be happy again, she thinks.  
  
But when she flips to the next photo, the warmth is saturated with a biting cold. A woman is holding a baby; a beautiful woman with bright green eyes and olive skin and shiny brown hair. The woman is looking at the baby as if she had never seen anything so lovely, so perfect in her life. The baby has a fistful of her hair in his mouth. Eggsy sobs.  
  
It ain't fair, she thinks. It ain't fair that Harry had a life like this before and it was taken away. It ain't fair that she loves a man with such heavy baggage but he won't allow her to help shoulder the load. It ain't fair that she's only 26 and feels so old already.   
  
"Eggsy!" Michelle calls from down the hall. "Tea's ready!"  
  
Eggsy wipes at her face and places the photos down gingerly in the drawer. Before closing it, she impulsively kisses her index and middle fingers and then lays them on the faces of the beautiful woman and the chubby baby.   
  
"Be right there!" Eggsy calls back as she closes the drawer.  
  
  
She's a bundle of nerves when the train arrives at the manor. She could barely eat earlier and her mum had been dismayed at her decision of traveling so soon after having her bandages removed but Eggsy had insisted. Besides, it's just a train ride. Nothing too strenuous. Eggsy hopes that this is the case.  
  
She's so busy contemplating what she will say to Harry that it takes several overt throat clearings for her to notice Merlin.  
  
"You're back," she says, blinking at him.  
  
"Yes," he replies and the look he is giving her reminds her of when she had bitched about the parachute after that awful test. She feels absurdly young all of a sudden.  
  
"Where's Harry?"  
  
"Arthur is in his private quarters upstairs."  
  
Eggsy nods and is about to leave when she hears, "Bedivere."  
  
She winces and turns back to Merlin.  
  
"Yes? Sir."  
  
"When it comes to your personal life, you are a dreadful spy."  
  
She flushes and resists the temptation to look away.  
  
"I'm working on it," she replies tersely.  
  
Merlin stares at her as if he's reading her mind. She stares right back. She can play this game, too.  
  
"Arthur has requested that I relay the news that he will be returning to his residence tonight," he says suddenly.  
  
Eggsy can't help the smile that spreads on her face and is about to thank Merlin when he raises a hand.  
  
"He has also requested that you, your mother and your sister vacate the premises and return to your own residence today."  
  
Blank shock hits her full-force and she blinks, wondering if she had heard him correctly.  
  
"Do you require assistance in doing so?" he asks.  
  
"No," she manages to gasp out.  
  
Suddenly, Merlin looks terribly sorry.   
  
"Are you certain?"  
  
She nods.  
  
Merlin sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose.  
  
"If you need anything at all," he says gently, "please do not hesitate to contact me."  
  
"Am I sacked?" she asks numbly.  
  
Merlin looks aghast.  
  
"Certainly not. You're one of the best agents we have. Kingsman does not allow for personal differences to interfere with our work." He frowns and stands and in two long strides, he's in front of her. He puts a hand on her shoulder. "Go home, Eggsy, and be good. All will be well."  
  
She shakes her head.  
  
"I don't think so," she sighs.  
  
He squeezes her shoulder and she nods at him before turning around and walking straight back to the train.  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read. Please be gentle

I won't feel sorry for myself. I won't cry.

Eggsy is stoned-faced when she arrives back at Harry's house. Her mum is positive she over-exerted herself but quiets down immediately when she sees the hard look on her daughter's face.

"Pack up, Mum," she says, "we're leaving."

There isn't much to pack. Even with Eggsy all but moved in, it takes less than an hour. Besides, their house is only a couple blocks away. It isn't a very strenuous move. A cab arrives without her having to call for one and she loads her mum and sister into the backseat. She's about to get in when she says, "Hang on, forgot something."

She rushes back into Harry's office and yanks open the desk drawer. She pulls out the pile of photographs and arranges them neatly on his desk, fanned out. She takes a step back and regards her work. Satisfied, she heads into the living room and takes the framed photo of her father and carries it out to the car, tucked under her arm.

"Okay," she says to the driver, "take us home."

 

Roxy arrives that night. She throws her arms around Eggsy and kisses her on the side of her face.

"I could kill him," she whispers. "I really could."

"Would be a waste of time."

"He's such a bastard."

"Rox, he's still our boss."

"Fuck him."

Eggsy merely smiles and rolls her eyes. She escapes Roxy's hold and takers her arm with her good hand.

"Come on, let's get you something to eat."

Over leftover curry in the kitchen and several glasses of wine, Eggsy listens patiently as Roxy expounds on Harry's various sins and how much she deserves better. Eggsy merely nods when appropriate and laughs when Roxy's revenge scenarios get particularly over-the-top.

"How can you be so calm?" Roxy asks suddenly. "I remember when this one girl dumped me at the end of martial arts camp, I tried to shave her head while she slept."

Eggsy smirks.

"Everything thinks I'm the hot-headed one," she observes. "Really, it's you, Little Miss Prissy."

"Seriously, Eggsy," Roxy says and takes Eggsy's good hand, "you can let it out with me. You don't have to hide it."

Eggsy shrugs and sighs, looking at the tabletop. 

"I guess I'm calm because it makes things easier, in a way," she says finally. "It's like he made the choice for me and I don't have to go about worrying about him and his feelings anymore." She glanced up at Roxy and smiled crookedly. "I'm sure in a day or two, I'll be beside myself and watching crap telly and sobbing into my ice cream but I actually feel... relieved right now."

Roxy considers this and nods.

"But what are you gonna do about work?" she asks.

"What about it?"

"Won't it be awkward with him as your boss?"

Eggsy shrugs.

"I didn't much like the last Arthur," she says. "Won't be that much of a change."

"Be serious, Eggsy."

"I am! I just..." Eggsy sighs and rubs absently at the cast on her wrist. "I wish this was off so I can go back to work and be the best damn agent they have. That'll show him."

"You could do surveillance missions," Roxy offers. "All you need is a green light from medical."

Eggsy is about to complain that those are boring but then she realizes that they must be better than sitting around at home. She nods and swallows.

"Do you want me to kick his arse?" Roxy asks suddenly. 

Eggsy laughs.

"No, I'm saving that up for later."

Roxy tilts her head to the side and bits her lip.

"What?" Eggsy asks.

"What was all this about anyway?" Roxy asks finally. "I mean, if you still don't want to tell me, it's okay but-"

Eggsy sighs and runs a hand through her hair. She's about to say that it isn't her secret to tell but that she remembers that she's done with protecting Harry in her personal life.

"Long story short, Harry's got a grown kid and he never told me."

Roxy's wides widen.

"Cor," she said, "where is he? Or she?"

"He's in Birmingham and he hates his father's guts and wants nothing to do with Harry." Eggsy sighs and looks away. "I stuck my nose into it and tried to get Harry to reach back out to him but he just lashed out at me instead." Eggsy shrugs. "Guess I deserved it."

"Of course not!"

"Rox, you're just saying that because we're mates."

"No, I'm not! You were doing the right thing."

Eggsy sighs and stands up, draining her glass of wine. She feels deliciously loose and just a bit wobbly.

"It doesn't matter now," she says and rinses the glass out in the sink. "You wanna sleep over?"

"No, I better go home," Roxy sighs and hands her her glass. "Got to debrief with Merlin first thing. I'd like to give him a swift kick up the arse, too."

Eggsy grins and hugs her best friend.

"Save it," she repeats. "I'll let you know when we're going to kick their arses."

Roxy nods and insists that Eggsy call her no matter what time. Eggsy promises but has little intention of keeping it. She waves goodbye to Roxy from the front door and wraps her arms around herself against the chill. 

"You fuckin' bastard," she whispers to no one.

 

She isn't allowed to go on a surveillance mission for another two weeks. By the time Merlin hands her the dossier, she is practically vibrating out of her skin, she's so bloody excited. Home had been nearly unbearable though she did relish the time spent with Daisy, who is growing up by the minute and can basically hold complete conversations now. They're mostly nonsense but they're conversations, nonetheless.

Still, work. She loves working and she's bloody good at it. So even though all she's doing is observing an office building that is definitely a front for some high-powered drug dealers, she's determined to do the best she can.

And she does.

It takes 72 hours but she returns to Merlin with enough information to warrant able-bodied agents to infiltrate it and deliver the baddies to the authorities. Eggsy is commended and given a similar mission.

She never sees Harry. Few of the agents do. He is Arthur, after all, and Arthur stays at the shop usually, hidden behind his heavy oak doors and watching from his private screens. Merlin usually delivers news from Arthur to the agents anyway, so it's not too odd that their boss doesn't bother to come down to the manor anymore. Of course, when Harry had been appointed the job, many had assumed it would be a change towards a more involved Arthur but apparently, old habits die hard.

Still, Eggsy's happy. Sort of. She does miss Harry or at least, the idea of Harry: the idea of being held by someone at night, the idea of eating dinner with a bloke who rolls his eyes affectionately at her stupid jokes, the idea of carding her fingers through thick dark hair as she's kissed for all she's worth. 

Eggsy manages, just barely, to surprise a shuddering sob as she rolls over in bed and hides her face in her pillow.

 

Two days later the cast comes off. She's over the moon. Of course, Merlin has to rain on her parade insisting that she attend physical therapy and she still can't be jumping off buildings but she's allowed to go back to the shooting range to practice. Fuckin' yes.

She showers and rubs at her free wrist and is so overjoyed in showing off to Roxy that she doesn't notice Harry walk down the hall, in deep conversation with Percival.

"Looking good, Eggsy," Percival observes. "Glad to be free now, eh?"

Eggsy turns and her stomach drops but she keeps a smile plastered on her face. A quick glance at Roxy tells her to get that look off her face and smile, too. Roxy does.

"Yeah, gonna head to the shooting range now," she says. "Gotta see if my scores are still good."

"I'm sure they will be," he replies. "Better than mine at your age, anyway. And Harry, right?"

Harry nods stiffly.

"Welcome back to active duty," he says blandly. "As I was saying, Percival..." 

He takes Percival's arm by the elbow and all but drags him away.

"Christ, that was awkward," Roxy says.

"He's pathetic," Eggsy replies. "Looked like he was gonna shit a break."

Roxy laughs. 

"Come on, you wanna go to the range with me?"

"No, I've got paperwork to catch up on. I'll get a bite with you later, though, okay?"

Eggsy nods and smiles, feeling suddenly like herself for the first time in ages.

 

It hurts a bit to fire a gun but nothing she can't handle. She winces only a couple of times but her aim is still steady. She fires one last round and observes her marks when a voice comes in on her feed.

"Your weapons score is excellent, as always," Harry says.

Eggsy stiffens.

"I know," she says.

"Those six weeks haven't done a thing to change your aim."

She rolls her eyes and hopes he sees. 

"What do you want?" she asks.

Harry is silent on the other end. She is about to take off her glasses when he says, "I would like to see you."

"No."

"Eggsy, I-"

"Why do you want to see me? What for?"

He hesitates before admitting, "I want to apologize in person. I was unforgivable to you."

"Yes, you were."

"Will you let me do that?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Why should I?"

"Because it's unbearable to live like this."

"I'm doing fine," she lies. Well, it's only a half-lie.

"I'm very glad."

"You're a bloody coward, you know that?"

Harry is silent and Eggsy is so glad that there is no one in the range with her.

"Do you honestly think you can say 'sorry' and everything will be okay again?" she demands.

"No, I know it won't be. I just... I've learned that I have to face the repercussions of my actions. It's been a very long lesson."

"You were a prick to me and treated me like I wasn't the most important woman in your life," Eggsy spits and God, it feels so good to finally say it out loud, "but I don't want a fuckin' apology. I don't need it."

"Eggsy-"

"You just want to make you feel better about yourself."

"No, I-"

"If anyone deserves an apology, it's your bloody son. I'm just some tart you fooled around with. That's all."

"Eggsy, no, that's not at all what-"

"Goodbye, Harry."

She takes off her glasses and switches them off.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read so please be gentle. Thank you!!

Physical therapy is a bit of a pain in the arse but Eggsy enjoys seeing the results. Her arm and wrist hurt less and less with each passing week and she no longer winces as she fires a gun at the range. She's pleased.

Merlin slowly sends her out on more involved assignments, though she's still doing surveillance more than anything else. Not that she minds. She's so glad to be out of the house and the manor and hitting the streets.

Anything to be away from Harry.

Occasionally she spots him in the halls or when she's walking into the shop. The only words that pass between them are related to work. Nothing more. She also has to sit through meetings though she has a sneaking suspicion that Merlin purposely assigns her to be out of town when the meetings are called. She fucking loves holographic technology. 

In fact, she's starting to have a soft spot for Merlin again, too. 

She always did but after the whole debacle with Harry, she glared whenever she saw that bald head and calm face. He did, bless him, have the self-awareness to at least look sheepish whenever they crossed paths. More than once, he looked quite sad. 

It's after her latest mission (not as successful as she had hoped but she managed to get some information out of that one idiot henchman she tazed) that he actually clears his throat before she leaves his office.

"Yes?" she asks, turning around.

He removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose, as if gathering his thoughts. Then he stands and steps in front of her.

"I wish to apologize."

Eggsy has a sinking feeling where this is going and she opens her mouth to stop it when he cuts in: "First of all, I'm apologizing for interrupting you right now" and he quirks a smile, "and I'm apologizing that I let Harry bully me into being a prat to you."

Eggsy raises an eyebrow.

"You don't seem like the type to be bullied, Merlin."

"Yes, well, it's difficult when it's your oldest friend and he's about to make worse decisions."

Eggsy furrows her brow. 

"Worse? What do you mean?"

Merlin presses his lips together and looks reluctant to continue. Then he says, "I chose the lesser of two evils that day. Harry wanted to be the one to confront you but... I didn't want you to see that."

"See-"

"Harry rarely drinks to excess but when he does, he's quite... sloppy. And unpleasant to be around."

"So you were... protecting me?"

Merlin nods and sighs.

"You didn't need to experience that. You don't deserve it, to be honest. So it was either have Harry confront you when you arrived unexpectedly, or incapacitate him long enough to tell you myself that it was best that you leave."

Eggsy blinks.

"You incapacitated him?" she repeats.

Another of those quiet smiles creeps across his face.

"A mild sedative. I had him under surveillance of course, to check his vitals. He was in no danger."

"Christ, Merlin, you are a bit of a wizard."

"At your service," he says, bowing his head slightly.

Eggsy reaches up and kisses him gently on his cheek and grins at the sight of his entire face and head flushing red.

"You're a good bloke," she says. "I don't hate you anymore."

"I'm very glad to hear it."

She squeezes his arm and leaves the room, feeling lighter than she had in weeks.

 

And then Harry has to come in and ruin it. It's several days later and she walks into the shop and down to the train, only to find Harry waiting there. She blinks at him and nods, murmuring, "Morning."

"I don't wish to alarm you," he says quickly. "And I am not going to apologize because you made it quite clear how you feel about that. I only wish to tell you that I have been in contact with my son."

Eggsy blinks at him and wonders if she hears right.

"You have?" she asks.

"Yes," Harry sighs and seems terribly nervous. It's not a good look for him. "After... after I found out about his engagement, I sent him a congratulatory card. And he actually reached out to me afterwards."

Eggsy smiles softly and nods.

"I'm very glad," she says.

"I do suspect that he initially did so only because his fiancée insisted but... well, we Hart men are rather stubborn."

Eggsy doesn't laugh; merely looks at him.

He clears his throat and doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands. Then he looks back up at her.

"It's been slow-going," he says, "but we're working on it. So... thank you."

Eggsy nods and breathes a sigh of relief when she hears the train arriving. It's just pulling in when she turns towards it and he says quickly, "I'm going to be a grandfather."

Eggsy pauses and turns back to him, wonder on her face.

"Really?" she asks and tries to suppress her smile. "A granddad?"

"Yes," Harry says and smiles softly, looking rather bashful. "Seems I may get a son back and a grandchild, too, all at once. Quite a bit to undertake."

Eggsy nods as the doors swish open. She steps in and turns back to Harry.

"Congratulations," she says as the door close.


	14. Chapter 14

Like the immediate aftershock of V-Day, things eventually get easier at Kingsman.  
  
Harry is still aloof but it doesn't sting so much when they pass each other in the hall or face one another at meetings. Roxy often reminds Eggsy that her promise to kick his arse is still standing but Eggsy merely smiles and says it's not necessary.  
  
She's finally allowed on an overseas mission and comes back essentially unscathed so she rather feels that she is back on top. She's Bedivere and nothing can stop her.  
  
Then she comes home one day, weeks after that surprise conversation with Harry in the tube (she still has to remind herself that Harry is going to be a bloody grandfather, of all things, and it's getting difficult to not smile at that image), to the sight of the entire kitchen table covered in bouquets of purple flowers.  
  
"The fuck's this?" she asks as Daisy looks up from attempting to make a flower crown.  
  
"You got a delivery," Michelle says blandly. "There's a note on that one."  
  
She points at the front bouquet and Eggsy hesitates for the quickest of moments when she sees the white envelope with the familiar handwriting spelling her name. She knows her mum's eyes are on her so she squares her shoulders and snatches up the envelope, taking out the card.  
  
It's a simple note card, creamy off-white, and she recognizes the border from Harry's personal stationary set. And of course, she recognizes his neat and rather lovely cursive.  
  
_My dearest Eggsy,_  
  
_This may seem like a surprise but I did not want to alarm you by appearing on your front doorstep unannounced. If you will let me, I should like to speak to you in the privacy of your home rather than the office. I promise to not apologize again or attempt to make you feel guilty in any way. I merely wish to speak to you at your convenience. Please let me know if you are amenable to this._  
  
_With all my love,_  
_H._  
  
Eggsy frowns at the closing and sighs. She had only just recently stopped using the words "love" and "Harry" in the same sentence. She looks up at her mother.  
  
"Harry, ain't it?" Michelle raises an eyebrow.  
  
"He wants to see me. Got something he wants to talk about."  
  
"Hmpf," Michelle snorts and cuts another set of stems before placing them in a vase.  
  
"What the fuck are these anyway?" Eggsy asks, leaning in to sniff at the flowers.  
  
"Hyacinths," Michelle replies. "Guess he finally got it in his head to do some groveling."  
  
Eggsy raises an eyebrow.  
  
"Hyacinths," Michelle repeats and motions at all the flowers. "They're for asking for forgiveness."  
  
Eggsy shrugs.  
  
"Bit late for that," she mumbles.  
  
"So what are you gonna do?" Michelle asks.  
  
Eggsy stares at the handwriting on the note and nods once before crumpling it.  
  
"I'll see him."  
  
  
She texts him that she is fine with him stopping by but the moment she says, "Leave," he must. He agrees.  
  
Of course, the only time he's available to stop by is the evening where Michelle is working a night shift. She texts Roxy to be on standby with arse-kicking and plenty of wine and then distracts herself by giving Daisy her bath.  
  
By the time the doorbell rings, Daisy's in her pajamas and Eggsy is soaked. She mutters a curse, wraps her mum's robe around herself and carries Daisy in her arms to the front door.  
  
She opens it and Harry is standing there and she's suddenly breathless. He's tall and terribly thin and he offers an odd broken half-smile and there's an instant where she wants to throw herself into his embrace. Instead, she nods and half-smiles back.  
  
"Hello," she says.  
  
"HAWWY."  
  
Daisy, traitor that she is, reaches her arms out to Harry, who grins and takes her easily into his.  
  
"Hello, my darling girl," he says gently and something twists inside Eggsy's chest painfully, "it's so good to see you."  
  
"Missed you," Daisy says and places both hands on the side of Harry's face.  
  
"I've missed you, as well," he replies. "You smell lovely."  
  
"Took a bath," she says and sticks her tongue out in distaste.  
  
"Hey, be good," Eggsy says and pokes at Daisy gently, who giggles and hides her face in Harry's neck. Eggsy clears her throat and looks away. "Come in. Want a cup of tea?"  
  
"No, I'm quite alright," Harry says and steps into the hall. Eggsy closes the door behind them and Daisy starts squirming. Harry puts her down gently and she all but drags him into the living room to show off her new dollhouse.  
  
Eggsy follows and runs a hand through her hair nervously.  
  
Harry leans over as Daisy explains each room and the dollhouse's various inhabitants. He expresses interest in everything she says with a patience that Eggsy envies and also misses. She sighs and looks away.  
  
"May I speak with your sister now, Miss Daisy?" he asks suddenly.  
  
Daisy peers up at him and then looks back at Eggsy.  
  
"Okay," she agrees, "it's time for baby's bath, anyway."  
  
Harry nods gravely and then runs a hand through Daisy's hair. He straightens and turns towards Eggsy, who is sitting, feet underneath her, on the far end of the sofa. He motions to it and she nods.  
  
"Sit."  
  
He does so, with an entire cushion between them. He folds his hands in his lap and clears his throat.  
  
"Thank you for the flowers," she says suddenly after a few moments of silence. "They're lovely."  
  
He nods once.  
  
"I'm glad," he says and glances over at Daisy, who is busy with her dollhouse family. He clears his throat again. "I came here tonight because I have something I wish to discuss with you."  
  
Eggsy feels a cold hand clutch at her throat but she nods and motions at him to continue. He glances down at his hands and then says quickly, "Eggsy, I'm here because I wanted you to be the first one to know that I'm retiring as Arthur."  
  
She blinks at him.  
  
"What?" she says blandly.  
  
"I have another month but after that, I'm officially retired from Kingsman."  
  
"No, no," she says, horrified and she reaches out her hands towards his. "Harry, you can't."  
  
"I am."  
  
"But Kingsman is your whole life!"  
  
He shakes his head.  
  
"Not anymore."  
  
She stares at him in abject shock and tries to process what he is saying.  
  
"But why?" she says and then puts her hands to her face in horror. "Oh God, please tell me you're not doing this for me or something."  
  
He shakes his head again and smiles.  
  
"No, my dear," he says gently, "I'm doing it for a number of reasons." He looks down at his hands again and then over at Daisy, who is singing a lullaby to the baby in the dollhouse. "As you know, my son and I are slowing working on our relationship. It hasn't been easy. Not in the least." He sighs and shifts. "He's still angry about a great many things, as he should be, and I'm still hurt over many things, as well. But... we're speaking. I'm allowed to visit. I've met his fiancée. She's a wonderful young woman, very bright and terribly sweet." He looks up at Eggsy, his eyes wide and bright. "He's happy."  
  
She smiles at him and finds herself blinking rapidly.  
  
"I'm really glad, Harry," she says thickly.  
  
He shifts again and runs a hand through his hair.  
  
"I think a great deal of the reason why my son is even willing to attempt to rebuild our relationship is because he's going to be a father soon," he says. "That changes a man. At least, it should. For the better."  
  
Eggsy nods.  
  
"He and I both know that I cannot truly make up for the all times I neglected or hurt him growing up," he sighs. "I can just... promise that it won't happen again in this new phase in his life. And that I won't do it with my granddaughter."  
  
Eggsy lights up and grins.  
  
"Granddaughter?" she repeats.  
  
Harry smiles and, for the first time in a very long time, looks happy.  
  
"Yes," he says. "They have a name picked out but they haven't told anyone yet. They want to have a home birth." Harry's look of dissatisfaction is overt. Eggsy laughs.  
  
"Lots of people have home births now," she says. "It's perfectly safe."  
  
"Yes, well, I'd be much happier if they went to hospital but it's their choice," he shrugs. He glances down again and then looks up at Eggsy, his eyes warm. "I need to do this, Eggsy. I've spent my entire adult life working for Kingsman. I've realized that it isn't the end-all of my existence."  
  
Eggsy bites her lip.  
  
"But you're still so young," she says. "You'll get bored and then drop dead or something."  
  
Harry huffs a laugh.  
  
"I certainly feel old," he says. "And I'll still consult occasionally at Kingsman. I'm not going to go off into a home and watch crap telly all day just yet."  
  
Eggsy takes a deep breath and tries not to shudder.  
  
"But," she says, keeping her voice as steady as possible, "but if you're not at Kingsman, we won't see each other anymore."  
  
His eyes warm and a wistful smile crosses his face.  
  
"That brings me to my next point," he says gently. "I've recently said and did some truly unforgivable things to you."  
  
"Harry, no-"  
  
"And I know that there is little I can do to earn your forgiveness or ever... ever bring us back together again but I wish, deeply, to try."  
  
"I did some nasty shit, too," she says. "I snooped around and hid things from you, too."  
  
"Yes, but I have been doing a great deal of thinking and you were quite right months ago," he says and shifts uncomfortably again. "It isn't fair that from the start, I knew so much about you and yet I purposely left you in the dark."  
  
Eggsy nods and swallows.  
  
"I mean to rectify my past mistakes," he says and then smiles ruefully. "I'm quite aware that that is an arduous undertaking but I promise to do my best."  
  
Eggsy looks away. She watches Daisy silently for several moments, all the while feeling Harry's eyes on her.  
  
"I can't imagine Kingsman without you," she whispers finally.  
  
"I can assure you, I won't be gone completely," he says. "But I can't live the rest of my life at the service of an organization instead of with my family."  
  
He stands and straightens.  
  
"It's getting late," he says and smiles. "Miss Daisy should be getting to bed."  
  
Daisy gasps and whines, "Not sleepy."  
  
Eggsy smiles and stands, walking towards Daisy and crouching in front of her.  
  
"Go on, let's give Mr. Harry a good night hug and I'll read you your favorite story, alright?" she says gently.  
  
Daisy pouts and is about to argue when she notices that Harry has his arms outstretched. She smiles and jumps up to hug him.  
  
"Night, Mr. Hawwy," she says.  
  
"Good night, my dear," he whispers. "I promise I shall see you soon."  
  
She nods.  
  
"Tea party?"  
  
"As many as you wish," he says.  
  
Satisfied, she turns back to Eggsy and takes her hand.  
  
"I can see myself out," Harry says. "Thank you, by the way, for letting me come over."  
  
"Of course."  
  
He smiles again and heads towards the hall.  
  
"Harry," Eggsy calls and he turns back to her. She hesitates and then says, "I don't hate you. I never did. In fact, I still care about you. A great deal."  
  
He smiles.  
  
"I'm glad to hear it," he says. "For you have continually held my heart." He starts and then reaches into his pocket. "I nearly forget." He takes out his hand and holds it out to her. "Here."  
  
She reaches out her hand and he drops a USB flash drive in her open palm. She looks at him curiously.  
  
"When you were in consideration for Kingsman, I was given a file on you. This is mine." She stares at him. He smiles. "Consider us even."  
  
"Harry, I don't want-"  
  
"It's yours to do as you wish," he says. "Good night, Eggsy. Miss Daisy."  
  
"Night, Hawwy!"  
  
And with a parting smile, he's gone.  



	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it, folks. My longest fanfic and the one with the most amount of comments I've ever received. I am still stunned by the overwhelming reception this has gotten and I appreciate all of you for reading, bookmarking, and commenting. 
> 
> Keep an eye out for a sequel! Also, please let me know what you would like to see and send me prompts over at http://hollymartinswrites.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thank you again for everything! xoxo

The news of Harry Hart's upcoming retirement from Kingsman is met with surprise and polite rounds of congratulations for a job well done. Several agents are not as surprised as they act outwardly; they knew Harry was always a bit of a wildcard, a rebel. Being the boss was never in his blood. Nonetheless, retirement from Kingsman? Merely being a consultant? It'll never last, they say.

Roxy is shocked and Merlin is quieter than usual. Harry and he have many long private meetings together and afterwards, Merlin always looks quite sad. 

It is announced Percival will replace Harry as Arthur. It's actually a very good choice. Roxy and Eggsy are happy for him and even Eggsy privately thinks that he'll do a better job than Harry. Poor Harry was never cut out for that sort of position. She does wonder, however, how Harry will survive the suburban sedentary granddad life but... it's his choice, ain't it?

Still, as they inch closer and closer to Harry's last day as an official Kingsman agent, Eggsy finds herself feeling morose and oddly anxious. The idea of walking into the shop or the manor and not seeing him is disheartening. She knows, rationally, that he will consult regularly and, as per his promise, will try to win her back but... he's got his son and future grandkid now. Eggsy isn't needed. Not now.

So, a week before his last day, she begs Merlin for a long mission well outside London; anything to keep her away. She can't bear to see him walk out of the shop as a civilian. Merlin reluctantly agrees and sends her off to Cardiff to assist the South Wales Police in several organized crime raids. She's never been more grateful for organized crime. That is, until she's forced to race up a building's stairwells, escape to the roof and, with the sound of some pissed off mobsters behind her, jump to the next building's roof. In the bloody rain. Of fuckin' course. She lands, skids across the slippery roof, and looses her footing. The last thing she thinks before smacking her head against the ground is, Not again.

 

She wakes up in the Kingsman infirmary. She really needs to stop doing this. She clenches her eyes shut against the light; why is it so fucking bright in here? Her head aches and her throat is dry. After settling her breathing, she opens her eyes again and the light doesn't stab quite so violently. 

She shifts and slowly turns her head, looking for a clock somewhere with the date when her heart stops.

Sitting at the other end of the room is Harry and someone else. A man. They don't notice her because they are turned towards one another and moving their hands quickly. She blinks. They're signing. 

She attempts to sit up but falls back against her pillow with a groan. She hears someone take quick steps towards her and when she opens her eyes again, Harry is leaning over her, a cup of water in his hand.

"Eggsy," he says softly, "how are you feeling?"

"Like my brain wants to jump out of my bloody head," she whispers.

He nods. 

"Let me raise you up a bit," he says and presses the button on her bed. She closes her eyes again as the bed is moved into a sitting up position and then gratefully takes the straw he holds out to her into her mouth and sips.

She falls back against the pillow and sighs, grimacing slightly as her headache pulses. Harry reaches for the IV.

"Here," he says, "some more pain medication for you," and presses the button on the IV to release more pain killers into her system.

She nods gratefully.

"Thank you," she whispers. "What day is it? How long?"

"Just yesterday you were in Wales," he says gently. "It's morning. Ten."

She nods.

"You retired yesterday," she whispers.

"Yes," Harry says and smiles. "See? I told you I would not be leaving Kingsman completely."

"You didn't have to come back on my account."

Harry puts his hand over hers and smiles softly.

"Of course I did," he said. "Merlin called me late last night as you were being transported home. I am still your emergency contact."

She nods. 

"You'll be able to leave soon," he says and straightens up. "Shall I call your mother?"

"Later," she says. "Don't wanna worry her. Again."

"She's your mother, she's always going to worry about you."

She shrugs.

"How long have you been waiting here?" she asks.

Harry hesitates for the quickest of moments before saying, "We've been here since seven."

Eggsy furrows his brow and slowly brings her gaze to focus on the man still sitting across the room. He raises an eyebrow at her as she widens her own eyes. She recognizes him.

Harry turns towards the man and nods. He stands up and slowly approaches the bed, staying in the middle of the room and not getting any closer. 

"Eggsy, may I introduce my son, Khalid," he says and then, signing at the same time, "Khalid, this is Eggsy."

Khalid nods and smiles softly and Eggsy's heart constricts in her chest. It's Harry's smile.

"Hello," he says and Eggsy blinks. Of course. He had lost his hearing as a teenager. You idiot, she thinks, of course he talks.

"Hello," she says and then flushes. She knows no sign language.

"I can read lips," he says quickly.

"Yes, just speak clearly," Harry says. 

She nods and awkwardly runs a hand through her hair.

"This isn't how I imagined meeting," she says.

Khalid grins and Harry smiles.

"Yes, well, he's visiting London for work and staying with me. He was with me when Merlin called last night. He agreed to sit with me as I waited for you to wake up."

"You didn't have to," she says quickly to Harry and then turns to face Khalid. "You didn't have to."

Khalid shrugs and Harry says, "Of course, I did."

She looks down and then looks back up at Khalid.

"Congratulations," she says, "on, you know, getting engaged and having a baby."

"Thank you," he says. "It's good to finally meet you."

She looks at him, confused.

"Harry has told me about you," he says.

She looks back at Harry, who looks a bit sheepish. Then she blinks. He calls his dad "Harry." Makes sense, she thinks. She wonders how that feels for Harry.

"He was probably complaining about me," she says.

"Sometimes," Khalid says.

She huffs a laugh and glances at Harry. He smiles and nods.

"Occasionally," he says. "Though I'm sure you would have a great deal more to complain about."

"Yeah, definitely," Eggsy says.

The three regard one another silently. Eggsy bites her lip and risks another glance at Khalid. He is shorter and broader than Harry and aside from his eyes and wild thick brown hair, doesn't resemble him. Harry squeezes her hand and she looks up at him. He's smiling at her and she exhales shakily before smiling.

Suddenly Khalid glances down at his watch. 

"I have to get going," he says. "Got a meeting in a half hour."

Harry nods and shakes his hand.

"Tell me when you're done for the day," he says and signs.

"I'll text you," Khalid says and then turns to Eggsy. "Feel better."

She nods.

"Thank you," she says. "I'm glad to meet you."

He nods and smiles, as well before walking out of the room. As the door closes behind him, Harry exhales and turns towards Eggsy. He places a hand on her head and cards his fingers through her hair.

"Thank you," he says.

Eggsy blinks.

"For what?" she asks.

"For everything. You've given me my son back."

"No, I didn't."

"Without you, I would never have known about his engagement and never reached out to him."

She bites her lip and looks down at her lap, sniffing.

"Are things good?" she asks.

Harry sighs.

"Yes and no," he says. "We have bad days but this trip to London has given us more time to figure things out. A bit."

Eggsy nods.

"I'm glad," she says, her voice thick.

"I couldn't have done this without you," Harry says softly.

"Yeah, but I was an arse about it."

"Well, even Khalid said I complain about you occasionally," Harry says grinning.

"So he doesn't go by Christopher anymore?" Eggsy asks.

Harry's face falls a bit and then shakes his head.

"No," he says. "Khalid was Noor's father's name. It's his way of honoring her, I suppose."

Eggsy nods.

"Does that upset you?"

Harry shrugs.

"It's his choice," he says. 

Eggsy regards Harry for a few moments.

"What exactly did you tell him about me?" she asks.

Harry looks at her in surprise and then clears his throat.

"That you are, or were, a colleague of mine, that you are an exceptional young woman, very intelligent and kind-hearted, that you love your friends and family unconditionally, and are incredibly loyal," he says. "And that I love you very, very much."

Eggsy swallows and brings her hand to Harry's face. She rests it gently and smooths her thumb along his cheek. He leans into her touch.

She blinks suddenly.

"My head doesn't hurt," she says.

Harry grins.

"I'll inform the nurses," he says and leans forward to kiss her on her forehead. "Let's go home."

**Author's Note:**

> Remember, comments are love and stop by my tumblr to say hello! http://hollymartinswrites.tumblr.com/


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